Dispute

Anger is a universal emotion. Every human being gets angry at one time or another. We all have experienced hurt, disappointment, deceit, rejection, betrayal, and many other slights and mistreatments in our lives. Though all people experience the feeling of anger, there are great differences in how people react to angry feelings. Some of us can respond assertively with thoughtful expressions.

Problems arise when people respond by yelling, name-calling, using bad language, throwing things, slamming doors, making threats, hitting others, or abruptly ending the relationship.

Arguments are a natural part of your relationship. It is just a part of our human nature to want to voice our opinion and be right. We feel that if there has to be an argument, then it better be about something important. Here are our six easy tips to avoiding arguments in your marriage.

1. Pick Your Fights
If you find yourself going down the slippery slope into an argument stop and ask yourself, "Is it really worth it?" Does it really matter if you buy the brown eggs or the white eggs? Will it change anything if the grass is mowed today or tomorrow?

Are you fighting with your honey? Or maybe you aren’t fighting, but the tension is building along with the distance between you. If you fight about the same kinds of things over and over again, you’re not alone. Healthy couples fight––and it’s the sign of a healthy relationship to tussle and get things out in the open. Fighting doesn’t mean that something’s wrong; it means that something is surfacing that needs attention. A bigger problem is a lack of conflict, engagement, and fighting. However, whether you are fighting or avoiding fights, you need to learn to work through your conflict; and you can’t do that until you identify the deeper yearning or trigger underneath the fight––which, regardless of the surface topic, is really what the fight is about.

You're busily vacuuming the house, determined to get your chores done this morning so you can enjoy a restful Sunday afternoon. You smile as you hear the sound of water running in the kitchen: your husband doing his end of the chores, kitchen clean-up. You work your way down the stairs into the front hall—and frown.

Why is the TV on? The kids are at soccer practice—one of them must have left it on this morning.

Many years ago I had a conversation with my wife that could have ended our marriage; as I have seen many couples engaged in the exact same cycle of relationship destruction.

My wife said something to me and I responded back. However, she accused me of having a "tone." Who, me?

So now I am defending my "no tone."

If you are like many women, the act of venting your frustrations can be healing—you get out all the bad feelings, work through them a bit, and start to move on. Just talking about it makes you feel better.

Except that often it is not better for your relationship. Your partner—on the receiving end of this venting—can end up feeling bruised and resentful, particularly if the venting was about him personally, or about his behaviors.

You’re in a healthy relationship with your spouse, but the two of you periodically have disagreements and heated arguments about money, chores, kids, sex, differing viewpoints, lack of consideration, etc. Most of the time, however, you’re able to reflect upon and own up to your part in the fight, which maybe includes a verbal apology to your husband or wife. Why do we feel we need an apology at all? And what about those times when you don’t get the apology you feel you deserve?