Exactly one year ago this past weekend Tony and I were soaking up the sun, and each other, in enchanting Maui. It was another picturesque day in Lahaina when we stood on that grassy outdoor altar, the sun peaking through the surrounding greenery while the ocean waves lulled to the shore. I remember looking out and smiling at the crowd of family and friends gathered, instantly feeling their love and warmth beaming right back at me. As the Reverend blew the conch and began the ceremony, things became very still, very focused. It was a moment filled with exhilaration and strange calm. I distinctly recall thinking, “So this is what it feels like to get married.”
On our honeymoon in Kauai, we trekked to a remote beach and lay lazily in the sun for hours, with no one around us for miles. It seemed the perfect way to kick off our time together as husband and wife, surrounded by nature and only ourselves. The world we left behind eventually beckoned us back. And before we knew it, a year has flown by. Life has certainly changed. We’ve dealt with a change in jobs, the death of my beloved grandmother and a renewed effort to live life with a positive, appreciative outlook. Having Tony by my side in laughter and pain has made it possible to get through it all.
This first year, we’ve continued to experience life’s adventures together. Tony demonstrated gastronomical bravery when the former meat-and-potatoes Midwestern boy finally braved Indian cuisine with me. I cried curry-flavored tears of joy. When I discovered the joy and challenges of a local Pilates studio, he recently joined me for a few spinning classes. Tony’s staunch exercise regiment had long consisted of whatever sport or action videogames he virtually engaged in, with his accompanying beer for free weights. His increasing willingness to try things he previously recoiled at says a lot to me, most notably, “I’ll give it a go for you.”
My previous columns have been a veritable delight covering the challenges our relationship has encountered, but it’s equally important to acknowledge and extol the virtues. Sleeping next to a warm body is one thing, waking up and knowing it’s one of my best friends, who truly loves me, is a gift. Building a life together where each person’s efforts and actions directly impact one another is a major responsibility, but it’s made achieving personal and collaborative goals rewarding on several levels now. I love the idea that our life is a product of what we put into it and how we choose to live it.
Tony and I will always have our share of things to squabble over, but we always reconnect and smile that knowing smile that it’s just something we need to get over. And to me, that’s what keeps a marriage going, moving past the minor bumps and focusing on the bigger picture. I’ve found that a little friction keeps life interesting, and it’s definitely made for good stories to share with friends. As I told Tony in my handmade first anniversary card, “If love is a battlefield…you’ve captured my heart forever.”
Married since April 2006, April and Tony brave the craziness of So Cal living and have loads of entertaining tales to regale.
Steve Cooper is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hitched. You can follow him on Twitter at @hitchedmedia.
