To fireproof your marriage while you ignite the passion this Valentine’s Day, there is only one relationship you need to heal—the one with yourself! Take a love doctor’s oath:
* Above all, I will do no harm; I will make no comparisons, nor be a “history” teacher dredging up the past in every disagreement.
* I will embrace and respect myself to make my spouse feel more comfortable around me.
* I will create a “safe” environment at home where my spouse can open up.
* If I am experiencing a relationship difficulty, I will use it as an opportunity for self-growth and share the enlightenment to grow together instead of apart.
Love is the most emotionally-charged, mysterious word in our personal world. It helps to insulate us from external pressure. Love gives us a powerful energy and that’s why we love to be in love. Two popular phrases involving love need to be distinguished. They contain the secret of how to attract love and keep it: Being in love and being a loving person.
Being in Love is a blend of two opposing forces: Primal, hot and an animalistic urge. Each one of us desires to be selected, but not as a consolation prize! If we are looking for romance, no one wants to be loved like a roommate or a caregiver. On the other hand, being a loving person holds an expanded list of traits like: commitment, positivism and kindness. Loving does not have to be directed at a special someone; one can be loving to children in a classroom or to co-workers.
So how do you sustain true love? Most likely, it’s a combination of being a loving person and being in love. If you are a loving person, you know how to love yourself and love others; you believe in love and will make yourself available to attract love. On the other hand, if you don’t know how to love yourself, act kindly to yourself and think of your own needs, then how can you love another person or even believe that you are worthy of being loved?
A relationship is not about two people becoming one, or clones. A relationship is a partnership of distinct personalities and talents. Keep cultivating your separate, distinct selves because it is incredibly exciting and sexy! We are all single, even if we are married. Embrace your uniqueness and if you don’t know what makes you unique, Valentine’s Day is ideal to find out. The best insurance policy for lasting love is to have a good self-concept. If you want to become irresistible to your significant other, you cannot resist that which naturally emerges from your own personality.
Here’s how to become a love magnet:
* Be irresistibly lovable by knowing your gifts and then using them. You can’t be passive about who you are. You need to share your gifts. Passion in one arena translates to passion in another!
* Maintain a level of curiosity in your relationship, even if you have been married for years.
* Keep exploring and asking your spouse for opinions. Don’t always assume that you know what’s inside¬—look for buried treasure.
* Change it up. You can’t do the same thing over and over again and expect to get a different result—whether it’s the way you argue or make love. Revive that delightful inner child who knows how to have fun and not take everything too seriously.
Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of “Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life”, “Changing Habits: The Caregivers’ Total Workout” and “Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul,” a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker and mind/body lecturer. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City, produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com.
Steve Cooper is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hitched. You can follow him on Twitter at @hitchedmedia.
