It’s a quarter to noon, your head hurts and you’ve still got five hours in this soul-sucking cubicle. The best way to recharge in the middle of the workday? Skip the drive-thru and go straight home for a ‘nooner’.
“I was having the worst day [at work],” recalls Ben*, 32, a graphic designer for a busy publishing company. “I was texting back and forth with [my wife] Morgan about how pissed off I was and how all I wanted to do was take a gun and blow up my computer. She told me to come home on my lunch break. I didn’t want to at first—it’s a 20-minute drive—but she said she would make it worth the drive. I figured a sandwich at home beat Taco Bell in my car, so I did.”
Luckily for Ben, Morgan had more than a sandwich waiting for him at home. As soon as he opened the door, she pushed him on the couch and unbuckled his belt.
“I was so pent up from work that I just went to town,” says Ben. “When we were done, we had practically moved the couch into the kitchen.”
As Ben and Morgan discovered, sometimes the best sex is a frenzied quickie in the middle of the day. No formalities, no foreplay—just enough time to get straight to the point and get back to work before your coworkers start missing you.
Have Fun
The best part of a nooner, besides the actual sex, is the stuff that leads up to it. Since there’s no time for foreplay, you’ll need to stimulate each other mentally. Send naughty messages throughout the day. If you have a camera phone, even better. Go into the bathroom and snap a naughty picture of yourself and send it to your spouse.
Be Quick
Taking the spontaneity out of a mid-afternoon romp doesn’t seem like much fun, but a little planning is needed in order to avoid returning late and pissing off your boss. If you’re the one waiting at home or the one with a more lenient lunch schedule, make things easier by having all the essentials ready.
Don’t Forget to Eat
Along with the condoms, lube and other essentials, don’t forget the most important thing—lunch! The high from a quickie will only last so long before hunger sets in and blood sugar levels drop. Have a quick lunch handy that you can grab out the door and eat in the car on the way back to the office.
If you work too far away to make it home during lunch, don’t worry. Nooners come in travel packs, too. Stake out a good, secluded spot to meet near your office and have some fun in your car. Want some extra brownie points? Bring your spouse lunch and enjoy a quick parking lot picnic together afterward. Nothing spells romance like sharing a ham-and-cheese sandwich after a backseat quickie.
*Last names have been omitted as a request of privacy
Steve Cooper is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hitched. You can follow him on Twitter at @hitchedmedia.
