I love the holidays—the easy shopping, the store windows, the ample time with family, the rest and relaxation that goes with it, you know, just the overall vacation aspect of it all. Okay, it doesn’t quite play out that way, does it? Every year we imagine the holidays unfolding as I just described and every year we’re disappointed. The children fight, shopping consists of long lines full of people who appear to be some of the stupidest on the planet, you barely have time to sit down let alone rest, and before it’s all over you are practically praying to get back to the relaxation of work.
I get a lot of questions this time of the year from couples wanting to know how they can make time for themselves, the family and relaxation while dealing with all the chaos of the holiday season. You’d think it was nearly an impossible task to hear them describe it.
“We have to see my family then we have to see my husband’s. Then we have to go visit grandfather at the nursing home. Then . . .”
“I never have time to do anything. I have to go shopping, buy all the groceries—exactly as my wife lists them on her list—get the decorations up, do some charity work . . .”
“I have to send out over 100 cards, have to make the kids their costumes for the play, have to . . .”
I get dizzy and exhausted just reading everything that “has” to be done. Why do the holidays have to be so busy? “Have” is the key word. Every complaint, question, query that comes my way includes some variation of the word “have—has, had, have.”
You know what you “have” to do for the holidays? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. You don’t have to travel. You don’t have to see your extended family. When it comes down to it, you don’t even have to buy gifts. We choose to do all these things and we choose to take on too much. The key is to stop choosing.
Two words: cut back. Don’t go to every holiday party to which you’re invited. Send cards only to your closest friends or most important business associates; send everyone else an e-card or e-mail. Don’t bake everything your mom baked. This won’t help you now but in the future spread your holiday shopping throughout the year. Buy something that catches your eye in June and put it aside, instead of trying to remember it and then buying it in December. Don’t go see both extended families; alternate or hit one for Thanksgiving, the other for Christmas or Hanukah or in the summer.
Want to spend more time with the kids? Tie them into your holiday duties. They love it! Take them shopping and be certain to ask for their opinion about gifts, “Should we get this scarf for Grandma? I think it’s a good gift because she likes scarves and it’s her favorite color, blue.”
Make sure to schedule in a break for hot chocolate and checking out shop windows. Let them help you shovel snow. If they’re too small, get them a kid-size shovel and tell them they have the important job of following behind you, removing the small amounts of loose snow that remain on the sidewalk after you. Or let them drop a little salt behind you or sweep aside the left snow with a broom. To them, this isn’t work, it’s quality time with you and being helpful, both of which they need.
You get the idea. There are few haves—only choices. Choose wisely and experience what the holidays are truly all about: family, relaxation, vacation and your religion, if you have one.
Ian Coburn is author of the popular book “God is a Woman: Dating Disasters,” which offers dating and relationship advice via his various trials and tribulations with women as a touring standup comedian of ten years. The book has been ranked #1 in humor in Canada and is currently being translated into Russian. His weekly column Lunch is Not a Date may be found along with book excerpts and reviews at www.godisawoman.net.
Steve Cooper is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hitched. You can follow him on Twitter at @hitchedmedia.
