Is homework driving a wedge between you and your spouse? You’re not alone! According to a recent LifeCare poll, 99 percent of parents report that homework causes stress in their homes. This added stress can drive a wedge into marital bliss, especially when parents aren’t always in agreement. Successful parents have found that, by setting aside their differences and focusing on the academic tasks at hand, homework need not be a battle. Try these tips below and see what works best for you.
1. Present A Unified Front: Adhere to the same schedules, rewards and consequences as much as possible. Sit down with your spouse and talk about how to discipline consistently. If this hasn’t been done in the past, consider beginning at the start of a week, month or new grading period. Here are some questions to consider:
* What daily routines will be in place?
* What are the academic expectations?
* Who will monitor homework and how?
Once the answers to these questions have been agreed upon, begin discussing rewards, consequences and what is and is not acceptable. When both parents are generally in agreement, children are less able to manipulate situations to their benefit. They may certainly try with the usual, “But that’s how Mom does it” or, “Dad lets me do that,” but parental consistency will limit these attempts.
2. Understand Limitations: Realize there are limitations in a person’s abilities. The other parent may not be capable or truly know how to assist his child with academic needs. In cases like this, instead of blaming (“My husband can’t do anything… I can’t trust him to help the kids with homework”), let go of what you can’t control. Use weekends or nights with minimal homework to get ahead. It simply is what it is and negativity toward the other parent will not improve the academic situation.
3. Show Up Together: It’s very helpful for both parents to attend Back to School Night, parent conferences and other school meetings. By understanding the school’s expectations up front, later disagreements can be avoided.
4. Communication Is Everything: Parents and children benefit from a communication system that ensures both parties are on the same page. If homework is becoming troublesome, stop now, sit down with your spouse and define routines and expectations—then do the same with your children. Set up a family meeting on an evening that is not typically hectic; Sunday evenings usually work well. Present a united front and be clear about when and where homework is done, the time it will start and the desired ending time. Discuss how much each parent will help.
Establishing consistent routines, expectations and positive communication will not only contribute the success of your children, but your marriage as well.
Ann K. Dolin, M.Ed., is the founder and president of Educational Connections Tutoring and Test Prep in Fairfax, VA and Bethesda, MD. In her new book, “Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework,” Dolin offers proven solutions to help the six key types of students who struggle with homework. Numerous examples and easy-to-implement, fun tips will help make learning less of a chore for the whole family. Learn more at anndolin.com or ectutoring.com.
Steve Cooper is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hitched. You can follow him on Twitter at @hitchedmedia.
