Tag: abusive

A husband gets angry and yells: his wife cowers. A wife gets angry and yells: her husband leaves.

These are common outcomes when a spouse flies off the handle, especially when the anger is a one-sided outburst, having nothing to do with a fight. It doesn’t matter which spouse is expressing their upset with anger, anger frightens the other.

Dealing with anger is a challenge! It is inevitable in a relationship as close and intimate as a marriage, for in marriage we tend to let our hair down, to be less inhibited than we would be with say, a co-worker or out in public.

Anne’s husband, for example, was fundamentally a good man. He was basically honest, reliable, trustworthy, responsive, responsible, appreciative of other people, and caring. He had none of the hallmarks of an abusive individual.

"Why did you stay so long?" was the question my mother asked me when I finally got a restraining order and filed for divorce to end my abusive marriage of 20 years to my first husband.

She asked me that question after I had fled the state of Oklahoma in July 2009 with my two young children and found refuge in the home where I had grown up 10 hours away in Mississippi.

I thought to myself, "Really? I can’t believe she is asking me that, because she knows what our church teachings were about divorce." Basically, that it is wrong. At weddings I heard the scripture many times that said, "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."