Tag: apologize

Self-blame and guilt make terrible bedfellows, yet there are insidious ways we let these varmints into our marriages, to our own detriment. For instance, have you ever been involved in the following scenario?

Your spouse texts, "Terrible day. Traffic horrible. Boss worse."

You respond, "So sorry!"

Your beloved continues the litany when he or she gets home, "Nothing seems to go right, I don't know what to do."

When conflict arises in your marriage, are you the person who’s quick to apologize, wanting to sweep everything under the rug so the tension goes away? Or are you the one who tends to hold that hurt for a while, allowing the offensive words to gain a life of their own?

Many of us identify with one approach or the other when arguments happen in love. The problem is neither response leads to a true reconciliation that enhances the relationship, leading to a better understanding of each other.

Many of us are pretty good at telling our spouse, "I love you" on a daily basis. These three words are easy for most of us to say: we say them as we leave for work, at the end of a phone call and after a kiss good night.

It can be a bit more difficult to utter the words, "I'm sorry." Maybe we don't like to admit fault because we feel that it puts us in an inferior position. I suppose we think it takes away our power and makes us weak. So instead we keep silent, pretending we did nothing wrong and treat the person we love the most...the worst.

We all have those people in our lives, the ones who apologize for the same thing over and over but never change their behavior. They say they are sorry, but after the 183rd time we all know the apology isn’t sincere. If they were truly sorry and wanted to change, then they would have done so by now. What can you do when someone keeps saying "sorry" for same old thing? And, if you decide to say something, when is the right time to do it?

It seems like every time we turn on the television or stand in a grocery line we are bombarded with images of movie stars and public figures breaking up or asking for forgiveness for an affair or a variety of miscellaneous offenses. To make light of infidelity would be insensitive, but to watch some of the same public figures doing the same thing over and over again is a tell tale sign of someone who is not sorry for their actions.

On varying levels, we can all relate to the feelings of hurt and betrayal, especially when the person who has caused the pain is our spouse.