Tag: apology

You’re in a healthy relationship with your spouse, but the two of you periodically have disagreements and heated arguments about money, chores, kids, sex, differing viewpoints, lack of consideration, etc. Most of the time, however, you’re able to reflect upon and own up to your part in the fight, which maybe includes a verbal apology to your husband or wife. Why do we feel we need an apology at all? And what about those times when you don’t get the apology you feel you deserve?

Self-blame and guilt make terrible bedfellows, yet there are insidious ways we let these varmints into our marriages, to our own detriment. For instance, have you ever been involved in the following scenario?

Your spouse texts, "Terrible day. Traffic horrible. Boss worse."

You respond, "So sorry!"

Your beloved continues the litany when he or she gets home, "Nothing seems to go right, I don't know what to do."

Many of us are pretty good at telling our spouse, "I love you" on a daily basis. These three words are easy for most of us to say: we say them as we leave for work, at the end of a phone call and after a kiss good night.

It can be a bit more difficult to utter the words, "I'm sorry." Maybe we don't like to admit fault because we feel that it puts us in an inferior position. I suppose we think it takes away our power and makes us weak. So instead we keep silent, pretending we did nothing wrong and treat the person we love the most...the worst.

We all have those people in our lives, the ones who apologize for the same thing over and over but never change their behavior. They say they are sorry, but after the 183rd time we all know the apology isn’t sincere. If they were truly sorry and wanted to change, then they would have done so by now. What can you do when someone keeps saying "sorry" for same old thing? And, if you decide to say something, when is the right time to do it?

In my last article, I discussed how to graciously deliver an apology. This article will go over some tips on how to graciously accept an apology. As a reminder, an apology should contain some key components such as sincerity, remorse and the acceptance of responsibility, as well as an action plan for the future. Although there is no guarantee that the person apologizing may not offend you again, there is value and healing in forgiveness; and accepting an apology is a critical step in moving forward in your relationship.

1. It won’t happen overnight. Just because you receive an apology doesn’t mean you are automatically ready to forgive and forget.

It seems like every time we turn on the television or stand in a grocery line we are bombarded with images of movie stars and public figures breaking up or asking for forgiveness for an affair or a variety of miscellaneous offenses. To make light of infidelity would be insensitive, but to watch some of the same public figures doing the same thing over and over again is a tell tale sign of someone who is not sorry for their actions.

On varying levels, we can all relate to the feelings of hurt and betrayal, especially when the person who has caused the pain is our spouse.