Tag: book excerpt

Every second of every day, there is some relationship being damaged or lost because of neediness. But neediness is not a disease. It is not genetic. It is not inevitable. And, it can be completely overcome. In every relationship that I help to reconcile, there is some aspect of overcoming neediness. I work with the real down and out relationships. You know, the ones where one spouse wants out or cares little for the emotional well being of the other. Most counselors believe the best thing to do in this situation is to help the couple to end their relationship—amicably or otherwise. Well, I can agree that in many aspects that is easier. But, most of the time it is not necessary.

Probably the hardest decisions of all are the ones made by couples in which one person wants a child and the other does not. Although many marital conflicts can be resolved through compromise, there is no such thing as half a baby.

Even couples who are in the habit of listening to each other may turn a deaf ear during baby conversations. It’s hard to accept someone else’s needs if they clash so brutally with your own.

All of us want to have an awesome sexual life with our partners. Unfortunately, many of us may have one of the three major roadblocks before us that can keep us from having awesome sex lives if not addressed.

The roadblocks I am focusing on here are not interpersonal, communication issues, and so on. Those would be joint issues both partners would work on together (though I will get into that to some degree). The roadblocks I will focus on here are the two biggest individual roadblocks I have seen in my office over the past 25 years that keep individuals from experiencing a maximal sex life with his or her partner.

Ah, the multiple orgasm. It’s a thing of beauty. And a thing of reality. So let’s start there. Women do have multiple orgasms. We are very lucky in that respect. Women do not have a refractory period—or downtime— like men do. Once we’re up, we have every opportunity to go up and up and up!

So, how exactly does one manage this feat? Follow your body’s lead. When you have an orgasm, either ease up on or stop what you were doing. But don’t stop your brain. Allow it to continue thinking about what you just did, how good it felt, and what might feel good next. Then slowly ease back in or start again (depending on whether or not you came to a complete halt).

Communications is both verbal and non-verbal. Some information is spoken or written; other is conveyed non-verbally. For effective communication, we have to pay supreme attention to both parts. The information sent and received through a common human communication process can be identified and grouped in three distinctive categories: vocal information, visual information, and tactile information.

The following is an excerpt from "Marriage in Modern Life: Why It Works, When It Works."

Many of us did not see our parents communicate about the issues that need discussing in a modern relationship, so new and more equitable ways of engaging and interacting with our partners may not come naturally. The good news is that it is never too late to create a relational style that meets the needs of the 21st century family—a style that is mutually beneficial and emotionally rewarding and in which responsibility, accountability, and decision-making are shared.

Big Mistake! That’s when, after years of being married, the wife tells her girlfriend that, when she married her husband, she thought he would change (to her liking). Why would anyone think that? My motto has always been: What you see is what you get! That sums it up from both my personal and professional experience.

Let’s look at the metaphor: The river can rise and its banks can swell. The silt can build on the bottom of the river.