Tag: cheat

Getting laid by a stranger has never been easier thanks to technology. This is equally true for singles as well as married individuals, thanks to a variety of websites and apps that cater to users looking for easy, casual sex.

Both men and women cheat because something is missing in their lives. The need to fill in that missing piece is what leads to affairs and often divorce.

Today, men and women stray at similar rates according to a study by the University of Indiana, but for different reasons.

I cheated on my partner and I don’t know whether I should tell?

Deciding whether to tell a spouse about an affair is a highly complex and personal matter. Here are a few things to consider.

Are You in the "Good" or "Right" Camp?

The field of ethics can be divided into two camps: the good and the right. If you are in the "good" camp you may feel it best to not mention your indiscretion believing your relationship would be better off that way. Whereas the "right" camp believes right is right, wrong is wrong, and therefore you must tell your spouse about what you did.

Betrayal. In truth, betrayal is one of our worst fears. Betrayals can occur within families, in the workplace, among friends, and in the most sacred space of marriage. All betrayals are difficult to come to terms with, yet betrayal within the confines of an intimate relationship can feel like the worst violation of all. Within a marriage, betrayal by a spouse can create an upwelling of emotions and leave serious devastation in its wake. If ignored, dismissed, or allowed to fester, the effects of betrayal can cause irreparable harm to a relationship. When faced openly and honestly—and with appropriate, wise support—betrayal can be understood, addressed, and ultimately healed.

How can couple’s protect themselves from affairs? What are the signs that someone could stray? Explanations range from a lack of moral character ("a jerk") to the biological (men are just built to spread their seed). But these conclusions are too easy, too knee jerk, especially when one factors in the more complex emotional and psychological layers—layers that can’t be quantified as "fixed," like the biological (which, if it were inviolate would mean that all men cheat and can’t help themselves).

In Part I of this series, I end by asking the question: If people having affairs are like people who have addiction, but they don’t have a sex addiction, what kind of addiction is it?  My answer: Infidelity is a flame addiction.

What is a flame addiction?

The noun "flame" isn’t used much these days when people talk about relationships. A flame is an object of romantic attraction as in, "Taylor Swift is my flame." Flame also describes an internal state of the person who feels the attraction as in, "I have a flame for Taylor Swift."

You’ve done the deed and cheated on your spouse. Now in the aftermath you aren’t sure what to do. Some people feel telling a spouse about an affair is an absolute must. Others feel that under certain circumstances it is best to put the episode behind you and try to heal the marriage. Who is right? Or is there a right answer?

This question all started when my husband I and were listening an interviewee talking about why he felt cheating was healthy for a relationship. Both of us have had ex-partners who’ve cheated on us and my husband first said, "It’s just better not to tell." I was like, "WTF? Of course you have to tell. You’ve done the deed and you need to come clean."

Most of us know instinctively that a relationship, like marriage, should be characterized by such values as honesty, trust, loyalty and selflessness. These are expected and come with the marital territory. Yet many within the context of marriage have experienced broken vows, disloyalty and disappointment. Of course, there are a slew of reasons as to why these instances occur and these are individual enough to fill an entire book on the topic. Chief among these reasons, however, is the issue of a lack of sexual integrity. The following fictitious scenarios are written to assist us in wrapping our minds around this concept of sexual integrity and how it should empower our relationships.