Tag: cheater

I cheated on my partner and I don’t know whether I should tell?

Deciding whether to tell a spouse about an affair is a highly complex and personal matter. Here are a few things to consider.

Are You in the "Good" or "Right" Camp?

The field of ethics can be divided into two camps: the good and the right. If you are in the "good" camp you may feel it best to not mention your indiscretion believing your relationship would be better off that way. Whereas the "right" camp believes right is right, wrong is wrong, and therefore you must tell your spouse about what you did.

Betrayal. In truth, betrayal is one of our worst fears. Betrayals can occur within families, in the workplace, among friends, and in the most sacred space of marriage. All betrayals are difficult to come to terms with, yet betrayal within the confines of an intimate relationship can feel like the worst violation of all. Within a marriage, betrayal by a spouse can create an upwelling of emotions and leave serious devastation in its wake. If ignored, dismissed, or allowed to fester, the effects of betrayal can cause irreparable harm to a relationship. When faced openly and honestly—and with appropriate, wise support—betrayal can be understood, addressed, and ultimately healed.

The same unanswered questions keep getting asked each time a celebrity or politician gets caught cheating: Why? Are they bored? Is the fear of getting caught exciting? Is monogamy just not their thing? Are they searching for an outlet for fetishes they’re afraid to ask their partners about? Do they feel neglected by their mate? Is sex addiction a real thing or just a scapegoat for wrongdoings? Are cheaters just plain selfish, unremorseful, and uncaring about the feelings of their spouse?

I hold a somewhat unpopular view on cheaters and being cheated on. I see little difference between being the one who goes outside the bounds of a committed relationship and being the one whose been cheated on, even though it might not seem that way in the moment. My opinion is that both people are looking to regain their self-worth, dignity, and self-respect during and after the affair. Both people are hurting and both people need to create and own their personal lives without blaming or using another.