Tag: connection

You can't think your way to a healthier, happier and sexier marriage… You've actually got to do something on a daily basis to turn this beautiful union around.

In fact, millions of couples in the United States alone are in unhappy marriages. And the number one tactic that we use to stay in this unhappy state, is pointing the finger at our spouse.

"Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”  ~ Heath Buckmaster

Lately when I am up in the middle of the night pondering (some might say ruminating) on the sea changes moving through my life, I remember that if I can’t change my mind, I can’t change anything else.

It’s ironic because often during the daylight hours, I am the instigator of change, the one leading the charge to shift the strategic initiatives of Good Clean Love, or the one haplessly leading a bevy of subcontractors in a new home construction.

Let’s be real. Pornography is a problem. It pops up on your computer. It is available on your phone. If you watch TV, it’s almost impossible to escape the stream of images that are borderline pornographic. If your television subscription offers more than the basic channels, it’s likely that you, your spouse, and your children have easy access to pornography on your big screen. In truth, porn might keep your spouse in the bathroom a bit too long. It might interfere with your sex life. It might change the way you view your partner. It might make you think that it’s so much easier to have a relationship with a porn image instead of a real life partner.

Getting laid by a stranger has never been easier thanks to technology. This is equally true for singles as well as married individuals, thanks to a variety of websites and apps that cater to users looking for easy, casual sex.

Both men and women cheat because something is missing in their lives. The need to fill in that missing piece is what leads to affairs and often divorce.

Today, men and women stray at similar rates according to a study by the University of Indiana, but for different reasons.

When Lady Gaga recently told her fans that kindness—not wealth and fame—is what creates harmony in the world she may have been on to something. Research has shown that being kind makes us happier and also is contagious, inspiring others to be kind as well. For example, one such study published in the Journal of Social Psychology linked performing acts of kindness to an increase in life satisfaction.

That’s why as people make their resolutions for the coming New Year, they should make up their minds to commit purposeful acts of kindness every day.

Even the best marriages hiccup from time to time leaving couples feeling separate. And if your marriage has been struggling for years, both partners are unhappy.

So what do you do? If you try to talk to your partner about what they aren’t doing, will things get better? When you tell your partner how you’re feeling about what they aren’t doing, does your relationship improve?

Ah, married life! It’s not a venture for the faint-hearted or uncommitted heart. It is, however, the perfect adventure for those inclined to create a work of art within the most sacred of personal relationships—marriage. Rilke famously quoted, "For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." As both a psychologist and a newlywed, I couldn’t agree more.