Tag: feeling

I have been in many platonic and romantic relationships where all I’ve craved was to feel loved. Where all I wanted was approval of who I was. To feel cared for.

I have been in many work relationships where all I’ve craved was to feel appreciated. Where all I wanted was validation for the work that I’ve done. To feel valued.

These cravings didn’t all happen at once. Sometimes I’d be more focused on my friendships and romantic relationships and then other times work; but what I found was that I had this overall sense that I wasn’t getting what I needed. And while I wasn’t getting what I needed if you asked me what would satisfy this craving I couldn’t tell you.

Do you remember the last time you felt strong? How about powerful? Fierce? We feel them in our bodies as physical sensations and flood our minds with thoughts that reinforce how we feel. We make meaning of the physical sensations based on our past experience and current environmental context. We can tap this power to overcome obstacles on our fitness journey.

Sometimes I might feel strong following a presentation or asserting my needs successfully in relationship.

"Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be."  ~ Heath Buckmaster

Jarring is the mildest descriptor I can use to describe the space that is left with the departure of my last child. I feel lost in our home with only photos to fill the spaces that were not long ago embodied with the noise and mess of growing up. I cry intermittently at almost anything and struggle to imagine how to go from here, back to some sense of normalcy. But the truth is that there is no going back, only forward into a space that I cannot yet see.

Just the other day, my client who’s not in therapy for marital problems, brought up a different topic of concern. She mentioned that something seemed fishy about her husband’s behavior, which had been going on for a few weeks. They’ve been married for over 10 years and she knows his patterns very well, but something just didn’t feel right.

Specifically, she felt that he didn’t display his typical, affectionate and fun self. I asked her if she talked to him about it. She said, "Well, no." I responded, "Because…?" And her response was simply, "I thought I was just imagining things, and I guess I was just waiting for it to change. But it hasn’t."

We have all heard and probably recited the nursery rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones…" You know the rest: "But words can never hurt me."

If only it were true. The fact is that words do hurt. Unlike a bruise or broken bone, we can’t see the wound on the outside. Most of us can recall instances from our own lives when words cut deeply, causing wounds that may still hurt.

Since these wounds are not visible to others, we go through life exhibiting behaviors that come from how we deal with these old hurts. If we try to bury the wound rather than learn from it, we not only prevent healing, but we are likely to inflict pain on others.

"To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude." ~Albert Schweitzer

As a concept and way of living, gratitude is always one of the first concepts taught in positive psychology texts and has, for centuries, been called the greatest of virtues and the parent of all the others. A dear friend of mine once shared with me that the more she practiced gratitude daily, the more her life became increasingly abundant in ways that continued to amaze her and even her husband.

If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath." ~ Amit Ray

Be Present

It is only in the present moment—in the instant of here and now—that our experience takes on any real meaning or offers us any truth. Squandering our attention on the regrets of yesterday or the anticipation of tomorrow’s worries is how we distract ourselves from our real power and flame the fire of our deepest fears.