Tag: flirt

Whether single or married, you’ve probably experienced the upside of flirting. Whether on the giving or receiving end, flirtatious behavior can feel terrific, and it can be great fun. "So..." you might ask, "what could be the downside of flirting?" Four simple questions give us the answers: Is flirting appropriate given the relationship status? Is there appropriate intent in the behavior? Is the setting suitable? Is mutuality present? Things can get dangerous when the response to any of these four questions is a "No!"

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "It's not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." No doubt Neitzsche would be mortified to watch modern-day rom-coms where relationships between unlikely partners survive on the idea that "love will keep us together."

Love is important, yes. But love is no magic serum that turns everything to rainbows and sunshine. The real workings of great relationships are far more down-to-earth. They're built on respect and courtesy. If you're short on those things in your marriage, use the eight tips below to get back on track.

When a couple has been married for a long time, romance somehow takes a back seat to the many tasks and responsibilities each one has to take care of every day. Before you were married, your sweet date nights that used to be candle lit romantic dinners become sleepless nights caring for the baby. Your fun movie dates turn into watching TV at home and then falling fast asleep because you are both too tired to watch. Even sex, if you still do it,  becomes rote and obligatory. Does this all sound familiar to you?

Let's get the big question out of the way—it's normal to develop a crush on someone other than your spouse. Unless you decide to live as a monk with absolutely no human contact it’s inevitable you will periodically meet someone who shares an attraction. You may think you’re the worst person in the world, but in truth you’re simply human. Chemistry is uncontrollable and a natural phenomenon.

As my deeply-in-love parents told me growing up, "We’re married, not dead." Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly stop noticing people. Crushes on bosses, co-workers, cute coffee shop attendees, waitresses, neighbors and anyone else you come into contact with on a regular basis is bound to happen…and that’s okay.

This is undoubtedly the age of sexual freedom where any and everything goes. Sexual boundaries have been lowered and in some contexts we've fallen just a bit short of having outright sex in public. The porn industry, the internet and those steamy-leave-nothing-to-the-imagination music videos have all played their part in desensitizing us on the issue of sexual openness. Of course, there is a very positive side to the new openness on sex.

One of the fallacies of marriage, which many of us walk innocently into, is the idea of "sex on demand."

We somehow naively believe that great sex will be a natural, spontaneous outflow of our love for our spouse. Men tend to think that their marriage investment will yield endless nights of unbridled passion, while women hope that their sexual accessibility will keep their husbands permanently glued to their side.

Then the reality of marriage sets in and most of us realize that our imagined sexual utopia isn't as much within our reach as we thought.

My wife is a flirt. She flirts at every party we attend, while we're out in public—literally everywhere. I know she loves me and I don't suspect her of any outside love affairs, but why does she have to behave like this? I feel like I should step in and express my feelings, but I don’t want her to feel like I’m uptight or smothering her. Should I put a stop to it? And if so, how?

This is the type of question that is deserving of a two angle approach.