Tag: forgive

Being present and loving during vacations and holidays is not always easy. However, there are steps you can take to find inner peace that can help you survive and even enjoy the hectic season. The practice of visualization and meditation can help you reclaim control of your mind and emotions during this time of year.

These methods will not only help you stay centered during events, they will allow you to achieve your intention to show unconditional love to your family and friends.

As parents we must teach our children the realities of life. Life hurts us, people hurt us, we hurt other people and we hurt ourselves. That is what relationships and life are about. The sooner we let our children in on this secret the healthier their life-approach will be. Forgiveness is many things, but we also must teach that forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. It is not about condoning harms, which have been done. Forgiveness is about taking power back.

You know that feeling you get when that person crosses your mind—like your guts are getting squeezed, or you feel an actual pain in your heart? Or your breath becomes shallow and you feel anxious and shaky, or a wave of fear and dread as that situation comes unbidden into your mind? Again?

I remember the first bitter heartbreak of my life when my boyfriend of 18 months—but who I’d been in love with for years—told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I didn’t even see it coming. And then it was a process of slowly and painfully tearing off a band-aid for another six months after the initial breakup as we continued to see each other every weekend. I couldn’t emotionally let go. He felt guilty, and I kept hoping he would miraculously change his mind. But he didn’t.

The sense of betrayal is a powerful emotion to experience in a marriage. When we commit to someone, we expect that this will be reciprocal. We don't only think of relationship loyalty in terms of sexual loyalty, but we expect that our loved one will basically have our back. We want someone who will look out for us, support our efforts, give loving but constructive feedback and commit to standing by our side through thick and thin.

What happens, however, when our spouse does what we perceive to be unforgivable?

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~Richard Bach

I recently learned that the transformation of the caterpillar to a butterfly isn’t just about the effort of spinning their cocoon. Once inside, the caterpillar literally liquefies in its metamorphosis to its adult form as a butterfly, which, while short lived, optimizes the astonishing feat of beauty and freedom that most all living creatures aspire towards.

We’ve all seen people who walk around with a chip on their shoulders. People who never get over a wrong or a hurt. You know exactly who I’m talking about.

As a divorce attorney, I came into contact with many people who built great big walls around themselves to avoid getting hurt again. In fact, I myself discovered the art of building a fortress around my own heart. It contained a tiny little door that only my children, dog, and cat could squeeze through. Heaven help the man who tried to love me and knock those bricks down!

Many mind and body teachers will urge you to live in the moment: "The past is over and done with. The present is a present." Of course, it is great to fully experience the present and not dilute it with invasive thoughts of the past or even future worries—the way animals live moment to moment. However, humans are far more complex; and when someone tells you not to think about something or do something, that’s all you think about. Ask any unsuccessful dieter!