Tag: friend

I know the gut-wrenching, hollow feeling left behind when a child is taken too early. It’s a feeling that mothers have experienced recently and throughout the last few years after tragic attacks in Orlando, Manchester, London, San Bernardino, California, and Charleston... just to name a few.

With every new tragedy, vigil, story on the news or anniversary recognizing these events, plenty of mothers like myself—who lost her adult child to cancer—feel the sting of the wound that accompanies their loss.

These days, it seems most parents shy away from their main role, which is… well, to parent. It is invaluable to the child to know that you are in control, you are the leader, and you set the boundaries. Of course, there is a fine line and this does not have to come with corporal punishment or any of the other fear-based tactics used in history, but it does mean you need to step into your authority.

There are four main roles or positions that can sneak up on us if we are not careful, that we can put or allow our children to take on.

Doors slamming. Eyes rolling. Extended middle fingers. One-word discussions. Outrageous demands for more money, newer cars and less chores. In a survey, over 90 percent of parents who answered the question, "What are your top three parenting issues," all responded with either lack or respect or bad attitude.

But what’s strange is these same kids have friends whose parents they do respect! In 12 years of interviewing kids and parents, I know that most teens have what I call a Kool-Aid house, a home where kids of all stripes congregate, not because there are no rules, but indeed because there are strict rules about language, drugs, alcohol and behavior.

You're at an awards dinner feeling somewhat lost and lonely without your spouse. He’s grinding out some last-minute work and couldn’t come, "Sorry, babe…" he said before you walked out the door.

A stranger walks up to you and starts talking with you, out of nowhere, admiring your dress, your hair, responding as if the slightest thing you say is terribly witty. She's so charming, you keep looking behind you, thinking she must have you mistaken with somebody else. She's behaving as if you've been friends for years, creating a sort of "us" out of the two of you, standing there chatting in the middle of the room. Then she says, "This is boring. Let’s go clubbing!" and even though there’s a warning going off somewhere in the back of your brain, as in, "Is this really a good idea? I don’t even know this person!" off you go.

Many people, especially couples, have expressed their concerns about making new friends because they have relocated, married or fought with old friends. The major impediments to socializing from this random sampling are: fear of rejection, shyness, perceived lack of opportunity and confidence. As a result, many feel stressed when interacting with potential friends—this repels rather than attracts.

While good friends are healthy for us both mentally and physically, many of us tend to make ourselves sick over not having a close friend at the moment. If you want to make new friends, you have to reset your natural rhythm to first be in rhythm with yourself.

When friends divorce, it impacts everyone around them. When you’re friends with a couple who’s breaking up, it can create a whirlwind of emotion: shock, sadness, worry, even reflection or concern about your own marriage—if it happened to them, could it happen to us?

As your friends undergo a painful, all-encompassing change in their lives, you and your spouse may ride your own emotional roller coaster as you wrestle with two tasks: maintaining your friendship with the divorcing couple and also taking away lessons that will help you keep your own relationship solid.

"Mom! You are so embarrassing!"

Hearing this from your precious offspring who, one short year ago, considered you the center of their universe may be difficult to accept. Even though you’ve heard that it’s not uncommon for a sweet young child to turn into a less-than-pleasant adolescent, you secretly hoped that your child would be the one exception. Your pride and joy goes from idolizing you to ducking around the corner at the thought of being seen with you in public. While there’s no magic wand that allows a parent to have their child skip over the teen years, there are some time-tested tips that will help along the journey.