Tag: future

There is always much debate as to whether life itself is pre-destined. Does everything happen for a reason, or are we in fact in control of our own destiny?

I like to believe that we have a certain amount of control, but what sort of control do we actually have over our own lives? We can all dream, but unless we put those dreams into action, they will forever remain dreams.

First, there is the element of choice. While Shakespeare says, "To be or not to be," if we change his words to: "To do or not to do," this gives us choice.

You have so much going on: between the job, the kids, your spouse’s concerns, the dentist (ouch), and even though you’re well aware keeping track of the family finances is your agreed upon responsibility you keep putting off balancing the household checkbook—and then WHAM! Thirteen bounced checks in a row... the fallout from your spouse is even more painful than the bank charges.

You’re feeling lonely and out of sorts. All this business travel is getting to you. You have a moment of what you prefer to call "weakness" and have a fling with a perfectly delightful man/woman. Out of town, who’s to know? Only the guilt is eating you up, and you can’t hardly look your spouse in the face.

Many couples (particularly males) have come to view Valentine's Day as a tedious obligation: to buy chocolates or flowers, to go out for a "romantic" dinner, or to trudge off to the local drug store in search of a silly or syrupy card.

Having coached thousands of couples and trained thousands of couples' counselors worldwide, I'd like to offer you a new perspective: Valentine's Day is a once-a-year opportunity to try out new behaviors that can strengthen your relationship.

Have you ever noticed that certain people tend to expect things to go badly in their marriages (and the same is true for life in general)? Often, without any conscious prompting, our minds automatically jump to and fixate on the worst possible scenarios. Consider the following examples and see if any of them sound familiar:

* For the past three months, life at home has been great. You and your spouse are working together like a well-oiled machine. You’ve been enjoying each others’ company and disagreements are resolved almost before they begin. But you’re not enjoying the domestic bliss—you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

This year my husband and I will celebrate 28 years of marriage, and I really don’t know where the time has gone. I remember when I got engaged at 18 to be married one year later, the prospect of life ahead with my husband Gabriel held so many possibilities. I was ecstatic, young, romantic, idealistic, but not too naive. I had already endured childhood and adolescent challenges like sexual abuse, low self-esteem and the resulting self-hatred had developed a confident exterior that fooled everyone. Although young, I was tough and mature beyond my years with a promising future ahead in academia.

So you live paycheck to paycheck with little left for anything but the necessities? Welcome to the real world. For many married couples, counting the days to payday is a way of life. The notion of saving for a rainy day seems far-fetched. The good news is that’s probably more perception than reality.

If couples plan and stick to a budget, in most cases they can live comfortably and have funds on hand for uncertain times when income is reduced or interrupted.

Becoming present is all about cultivating awareness and becoming your own witness. The more often you can connect to the present moment, the easier it becomes to detach from past / future thinking that can keep you stuck or create obstacles on your path forward.

1. Yantra

A Yantra is a visual mantra. You can use symbols, images, or animals as a yantra by bringing them to mind and allowing that picture to create focus for you.