Tag: healing

"Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it’s a cure." ~ Thomas Szasz

Although there is no chapter dedicated specifically to masturbation in my new book Sex that Works, I refer often to why self-pleasure is so essential to moving towards a healthy relationship with pleasure itself. In fact, sex educators the world over call masturbation the cornerstone of all other sexual acts, because the more attention you have for your own sexual response the more sexually competent you become in partnered relationships.

When betrayal strikes, everything seems to change; nothing seems untouched by the effects that create havoc in the relationship and the couple’s world at large. Healing from betrayal is no easy task, for an act of betrayal can cause significant trauma. While the mind reels from fears, worries, and confusion, the heart and spirit are affected by painful emotions such as sadness, anger, resentment, and shame.

Physiologically, the effects of betrayal can manifest in somatic issues such as headaches, exhaustion, sleeplessness, and digestive issues.

I am redesigning my blog again and have opted to let go of the whole "Daily" concept in favor of my primary voice. As my creative director and I have been going back and forth about the look and feel of these words, saying no to curly cursive, no to all caps in varying shades of bold, I found myself explaining how these words, "making love sustainable" need to look like the small inner voice that moves us to stay, like the prayer for grace we say when we realize we need it most, or like a circle that always comes back around.

Suicide is desolate. It is weighted with shame and secrecy, criticism and judgment. Too often there is little compassion for those who have chosen to end their lives; and compassion or support for the survivors of suicide is often embarrassed and spare.

Surviving loved ones are traumatized as they hold the remains of a shattered life in their hands. They are full of questions, recriminations, and their own mixed emotions. Why did this happen? Why didn't I see this coming? Could I have done something more?

One of the overall common themes this past year for nearly everyone I know, has been grief. From the loss of graduation celebrations to activities with friends, to jobs, to the hundreds of thousands who have lost loved ones, the losses experienced have been countless. One of the unique aspects of 2020, and there were many, is the fact that these losses, on some level, have been experienced by everyone. We are not alone in our grief. We are a grieving community, a grieving country, a grieving world.

Like all experiences of grief, we will not simply forget with time or just eventually get over it, but we can, and we will get through it. We can get through it, we can heal, and we can become stronger and more resilient because of our experience.

Many of us, if quizzed about our marriage, may admit to not being totally happy with the state of our union. This may spring from a belief that our partner is insensitive to our core needs, but can a partner really "make" us happy? If we find ourselves "unhappy in love," is there a way for us to get what we want from our relationship?

While getting exactly what we want every time may seem like a really tall order, there is scope for finding peace with what we have. This does not mean settling for mediocrity, but rather pursuing only what we can change; namely ourselves and our perspective. If we find ourselves dissatisfied with what we're currently experiencing, reflecting on the following may bring what is really important into focus.

"The finest thing in the world is knowing how to belong to oneself." ~ Michel de Montaigne

I am convinced that the most significant and meaningful change we can make within our marriages, and all of our relationships, begins with our foundational ability to relate to our selves.

This teaching is ancient and lies at the heart of every spiritual discipline. The Buddha summed it up saying, "You, yourself—as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."