Tag: independent

Taking a forced break from my normal life of hanging out with babies and their parents, I’ve recently chalked up some personal experience being helpless, thanks to the need for some major orthopedic surgery. My recuperative slow-down has given me time to think about my attitude toward dependency. Unlike babies and other people with limited ability to meet their own needs, I had only a day or two of total helplessness, when I couldn’t walk on my own and needed help getting to the bathroom, and to be brought food, drink and medicine. While I like to think it would be my honor to help someone else in my state, I have noticed myself being frustrated and a little embarrassed to need so much help. Why is it so uncomfortable to be dependent?

Do you live with your parents or in-laws? Do you work for them? Do you owe them money? Do they provide daycare for your children? Do you depend on them for transportation?

Many couples, especially newlyweds, sometimes lean on their folks for financial support, which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, it could be a bad thing if (1) your parents or in-laws are controlling, manipulative people, (2) you feel obligated to do everything they want because they take care of your monetary needs, or (3) your spouse feels financially trapped by them. Unite with your spouse to identify problem areas, reach loving compromises, focus on mutual goals, and brainstorm ways to achieve those goals—even if they seem unattainable.