Tag: integrity

Marriage isn’t a cake that you put in the oven and check on in 15 years. You need to be an active participant in cultivating, nurturing, and energizing your relationship with your partner. This is particularly important given that American Psychological Association has found that 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce and 60-70% of second marriages end in divorce. Having a strong, satisfying marriage over time will have an unparalleled impact on your day-to-day happiness and long-term feelings of well-being.

You jointly made a to-do list but his part "just didn’t get finished…"

You agreed to meet at 7, but it’s 7:10 and he’s "just leaving the office…"

You created a household budget together, but "somehow" a new set of golf clubs ended up on the credit card…

Whether the situation is small or big, being out of integrity compromises the trust essential to a marriage. But there is a core reality of a man’s psyche that a couple can use to "conquer the integrity dragon." Men can use it internally, and women can use it to support and inspire their spouse. And the great part is that not only do both partners end up with more of what they want, but the process itself builds intimacy.

As Father’s Day approaches, many of us take time to contemplate just how powerful the paternal influence can be. For good or for ill, the lessons fathers teach impact their children for the rest of their lives. My own father was not only a great dad, but his unmatchable fortitude taught me how to overcome incredible odds and survive my own devastating illness.

Six years ago, I was diagnosed with the gene for Huntington’s disease, a hereditary illness that presents like a combination of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and schizophrenia combined. John Mattinson, my father, who also has HD, has been diagnosed for 25 years, but also had symptoms for many years prior.

For Donna Morris and Bill Sweat, the owners of Oregon’s Winderlea Vineyard & Winery in Dundee Hills, Oregon, it all started with their first date at a little wine shop in the North End of Boston. Fast forward 20-plus years and wine had become such a big part of their lives that they decided to trade in their corporate jobs for that of vineyard and winery owners.

Their decision to head to Oregon was simple. They had been enticed by the wines of Burgundy for years and found their favorite American Pinot Noirs were coming from Oregon. After some study of their wine cellar, they realized many of the Oregon Pinot Noirs they favored came from the Dundee Hills. Their holy grail was to find old vine vineyards for Winderlea wines. They happened to be in the right place at the right time when the famed Goldschmidt Vineyard came up for sale. They have coupled their jewel of a vineyard with renowned winemaker and viticulturalist Robert Brittan, who has 30 years of experience in some of Napa’s finest wineries.

Whether it’s problems within our own marriage or problems that we face in our culture, sadly, we consistently don’t face them at all. Instead, we close our eyes, turn our deaf ear, blame others, play the victim and look to be rescued and often choose sides on issues that directly affect us all—which does nothing to solve the problem. Furthermore, even when we choose to address an issue, we often take the shortcut and expect the best.

What we need to focus on here are the words "integrity" and "commitment." And if we look around, we will see a lack of both in many of the things around us.