Tag: John Gottman

If you’ve been together for a substantial period of time, there’s a fair chance that at some point you’ll find yourself saying (or at least thinking) these three fateful words: This isn’t working. When that happens, these four even more dreadful words—I want a divorce (or I want out)—are just a hop, skip, and jump away. And all too often, all that’s standing between these two sentences is guidance from a professional. Before you can seek help, though, you’ve got to admit you have a problem.

There are essential building blocks for a healthy relationship, and the foundation upon which you build your relationship begins with either Positive Sentiment Override or Negative Sentiment Override. Do these terms mean anything to you?

Considered experts in couples therapy, marriage and divorce, John Gottman and Julie Schwartz-Gottman have been studying relationships for over 25 years. The Gottmans have discovered that each relationship, broadly speaking, exists in a state of Positive Sentiment Override (PSO) or Negative Sentiment Override (NSO).

My Own Phase 1

In my own case, when I first got to Seattle in 1986 I had about 3 months before school started. I decided to take the time getting to know the city and also time dating as many women as I could. After my divorce, I couldn’t meet women my age in the college town of Champaign-Urbana, Illinois. I tried acting in community theater, and everything else I could think of. Finally, I changed jobs and moved to the University of Washington in Seattle.