Tag: karen sherman

Having been in private practice as long as I have, it’s not unusual to see many recurring themes in the couples with whom I work. One such pattern is the frustration many women experience when their husband will not take responsibility for something he’s done wrong.

Even though I’m a psychologist, when it comes to my own marriage, I too often respond as any normal woman. And so, I must confess that I have felt the same way in my own marriage. Interestingly, something happened recently that would qualify as an "Aha" moment for my spouse of nearly 34 years. Since I believe it can be a simple solution for so many others, I wanted to share it with you.

Last week, I told you about how important it is to validate, or let your spouse know that he or she is understood. In this week’s article, I want to further explain how to actually increase empathy. First, let me clarify that empathy and sympathy are not the same. With sympathy, you feel sorry for the other person. But when you express empathy, it’s as if you are seeing the world through the other person’s eyes; you’re able to understand how they’re feeling.


Recently, I read an article in which the author stated his belief that some people suffered from Empathy Deficit Disorder. He maintains that because such persons are self-absorbed they are unable to tune into what others experience.

In my private practice, I’ve often heard couples state that they never argue—and they make this statement proudly. When I hear this proclamation, I see a "red flag" being waved in front of me. The truth is that couples are going to have conflicts—it’s to be expected in your relationship. So, when there are no arguments in your marriage, it may very well be that the two of you don’t feel comfortable enough with one another to have a disagreement.

As a relationships expert in the public eye, I see one of my roles as helping to enlighten you as to the accurate information about you and your mate. When you have solid information, you’re better equipped to have the best relationship possible.

You have probably heard from relationship experts, me included, that it’s only a Hollywood fantasy to think your partner will "complete you." For most people, relationships are very important, but it’s a very wrong expectation to think that Prince (Princess) Charming will come into your life and make everything right.

Yet, there is more and more research about relationships that indicate it’s essential there be a good attachment between one another if your partnership is to be strong. Clearly, this can be very confusing—attachment is good but wanting to have your partner make you whole is bad? Yes!

My husband always makes me think I am stupid. He has broken my self-confidence and my self-respect. He fights with me in front of his parents and makes me feel like a total idiot. He says that he loves me more than anything, so why is he doing all this to me? I am looking for away out of our marriage but he won't let me. What should I do?

I’m really glad that you wrote in about this matter. You are smart to realize that it is a situation that needs attention and by my addressing it with you, I will hopefully be helping many other women in the same scenario.