Tag: loved

Most of us need and want more connection and closeness with those in our lives. However, we have many things that keep us separate and distant from them.

What creates closeness and loving connections with those we love?

There are many theories and methods people have touted as keys to creating loving and close relationships; I am reminded by my own 10-year-old "wise one" about what the number one thing is that creates closeness for him and it’s being validated and being heard.

"Love doesn’t sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new." ~Ursula K. LeGuin

Almost anyone can fall in love; our biological imperative to mate kicks in opening our hearts and flooding our nervous system with the euphoric experience of idealized connection, but many loving acts coming toward us everyday are not received at all.

We question the intention of those loving us—whether it be our spouse, our family or the platonic relationships we share with friends. We refuse to believe we are worthy of love at all. I witness this every day—this unwillingness to be loved that permeates our culture like a virus.

I have a $500 question for you: Could you make your spouse feel upset in under one minute? Most people answer an emphatic, "Yes!"

To accomplish this, you would probably bring up some event, person or question that invariably irritates them. The term for this is called, "pushing my buttons." When someone pushes your buttons, it is commonly accepted that you have no choice but to get upset. Over time, your spouse usually learns where all those buttons are.