Tag: moving forward

Often, when we are told to "make peace with" something, it’s in a challenging context, as in "make peace with" your current weight, bank account, relationship, etc. And indeed, the only way to move forward toward whatever your desired goal is to first make peace with wherever you’re at in that journey. So yes, by all means, do that!

However, the one "make peace with" we rarely think about is to "make peace with your dreams." Too often, we dismiss our dreams and desires as too far-fetched, impossible, unreachable, and we stop before we start. Or we start, and then halfway there we figure, "Oh, this is ridiculous; I’ll never make it" so we give up on our dreams.

Will I ever by happy again? I asked myself this question thousands of times after my mother, Jean, and my two daughters, Jenelle-age 19, and Amy-age 9 were struck and killed by a semi-truck driver who was speeding and reading. I was mired in a state of depression and hopelessness so deep and so strong that I thought the answer to this question would always be "NO."

Before the accident, our family was a happy one.

Having been a clinical psychologist and gerontologist for over 30 years, I have learned that most people profoundly underestimate how difficult it is to change a behavior, no matter how much or often his/her/their partner tries to direct or shame them into doing so.

What senior couples (and couples younger than them) need to realize is that they must give up the belief that with enough urging, their mate will change; drop that annoying trait or two. Forget it. It’s just not going to happen.

In reflecting on her feelings during this Coronavirus lockdown, author R. O. Kwon wrote in the New York Times that she is grieving, and chances are, we all are too.

Indeed, the Coronavirus crisis is taking a staggering toll on human life—but the loss we’re all experiencing does not stop there. Jobs, school, the comfort of visits with community and family, peace of mind… No wonder you may be having trouble focusing and sleeping or experiencing exhaustion, sadness and anger. That’s grief for you.