Tag: oxytocin

Love triggers all four happy brain chemicals: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphin. No wonder it’s so motivating!

However, life is complicated because the happy chemicals are not designed to be on all the time. The job of this brain stew is to reward you for steps that promote your genes. They dip after they spurt, which is why we’re always struggling to get more. Fortunately, when you know how your happy chemicals work, you can stop blaming your partner and stop blaming love. You can better manage the neurochemical roller coaster when you know how you create it.

Goodbye rituals, like a goodnight kiss or saying goodbye before leaving for work, promote reliability, love, and closeness. How (and whether) you do a goodbye ritual is also a litmus test for your relationship. It measures the temperature and longevity of a relationship because it’s the glue and bridge to sex, passion, and conflict that will now bring you closer as a couple.

These rituals provide the partner a way to be seen, to ensure they are not invisible, and make it feel like you get him or her.

Can understanding the neuroscience behind love help reduce divorces? Yes, I believe so.

Love happens in four phases:
* Mate selection
* Falling in love or "romance"
* Falling out of love
* True love

If we understand the "falling out of love," stage better—a phase in love we all go through at some point in our journey—then we can prevent many divorces.

Stress is an inevitable part of life. Finding ways to manage and reduce relationship stress in your life is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your relationship.

Stress in a relationship can cause a type of feedback loop. If I’m stressed, it makes Katie, my wife, stressed. If Katie is getting stressed, then it makes me even more stressed. And further down the hole we go.

Although your marriage can be a source of stress in your life, which is totally normal, it is also the best tool you have to reduce stress.

"Help! What’s gone wrong with my marriage? We used to be so passionate! The sex was hot and heavy. Now, our sex life is almost non-existent. If it goes on like this any longer, I don’t know what I’ll do." When words of this sort pour from a client’s lips, I know there’s a lot of work ahead. As I think of the standard solutions to this difficult and complex issue, I know there is no quick fix.

The standard advice reads: "Have more fun." "Take off the pressure." "Make romance happen!" "Wear sexy lingerie." "Have a date night!" "Cuddle with each other."

What's really going on when you're attracted to someone? The infatuation phase is when you see only one side of a person: the positive traits, the potential for a happily ever after. You don't even notice that her feet stink or that he scratches his butt. No, she's Cinderella and he's Prince Charming—for now.

Your body chemistry only heightens the whole lopsided process, giving you regular doses of dopamine (a hormone that mimics the effects of cocaine), resulting in phenomena such as energy boosts, appetite suppression, heart palpitations, accelerated breathing, hyperactivity, and insomnia.

When you first met your sweetheart, chances are that sexual attraction was part of the draw. Sexuality is a wonderful part of our humanness, yet its importance in the success of a relationship is often overlooked or simply avoided. In the months and years leading up to marriage, a couple’s sex life can be hot and steamy, adding a heady level of passion to the relationship. After the honeymoon, couples often find that their sex life diminishes as the rigors of daily schedules take their toll. Once children are added to the mix, a couple’s sex life can diminish into nothingness with the added duties and strains of the childrearing years.