Tag: pros

What is the difference between a separation and a divorce? With a separation, you may be living in a different residence than your spouse, but you are still legally married. With a divorce, the marriage is legally over, even if you still happen to be living with your ex. A person may seek a separation instead of a divorce, or vice versa, for various reasons. Five common considerations include the following:

1. Genuine Possibility of Saving the Marriage: If you want to live separate from your spouse, but believe that there is a reasonable chance of saving the marriage, through counseling or otherwise, then consider a separation instead of a divorce.

I was at a big stand-up paddling race with my friend Bill, watching the pros battle it out for the big bucks in the sprint race. I was amazed at how deftly they could maneuver at high speed around the eight cones on the course, zipping through 180-degree turns while simultaneously surfing 4-foot tall waves.

I was scared to death of waves and equally afraid of the turns, so I always stayed away from races that had a lot of either. As the race leaders rounded the cone closest to the beach, I asked Bill why the pros were so much better than we were, and without hesitation he said, "they're not afraid to fall in."

These days, it seems like everyone has their own blog. Whether you're a professional, a celebrity wannabe or a teenager seeking an identity, blogging is supposed to be the next great way to get noticed. But what if you’re a parent? You certainly didn’t grow up with blogs, and naturally, you may have some questions about your child’s involvement in this new medium.

As a family psychologist, I get these questions a lot. As a preteen or teenager going through life’s normal growth stages, blogging can be very helpful indeed—fostering a social network (even if it is virtual), or providing an outlet for everyday frustrations.

Valentine’s Day—the holiday’s mere mention usually provokes flutters of romance or eyerolls and cynicism. The former often comes during the so-called honeymoon phase of a relationship. The latter? It’s easy to say that Valentine’s Day is just a reason for greeting card companies to sell their products or a seasonal push for stores to have major sales. It’s also easy to think that this puts unnecessary pressures on both people in a relationship to do something groundbreaking and exciting on a particular day, like it’s a competition against the previous year’s celebrations. Or the opposite, that a couple must take an "every day is Valentine’s Day" perspective, which creates its own set of pressures.

The holidays are steeped in deep tradition, and the media and retailers drive it in even harder. There are some of us who love it! After all, it’s a magical season filled with family, good food, gifts, and parties. But for a lot of us, the holidays are anything but magical, and they can actually bring dread to our psyches just thinking about all of the commitments, chores, and family issues that the holidays bring to bear.

It’s the season when unresolved family conflicts become a reality again, after a year of sweeping everything under the rug. We pretend it’s going to be okay this year, but we often find that nothing will have really changed since last December 25.