Tag: questions

1. How do I tell my parents that I want to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve with my in-laws?
The best thing to do is be direct and loving in explaining your choice: "Mom and Dad, I love you and I hope you will understand, but this year I am spending the holidays with Bob's family. We will be back on New Year's Day and would love to spend the day with you."

2. Can I discipline my older sister's devilish kid for playing too rough with my dog?

The act of gift giving during the holiday season is often a highly anticipated tradition among family members and close friends. But toss in the decision to "gift" a boss, fellow colleagues, a dinner party host and a few distant neighbors, and gift giving can quickly become a hassle and an expensive chore. Questions such as, "Do I have to reciprocate with a gift?" and, "Is it necessary to give my boss a gift?" are common. The following are the most commonly asked holiday questions:

There is no way professional therapists can have all the answers for every problem that shows up in their office. Almost daily I see couples whose challenges are too difficult for me to solve quickly or easily. So I have honed my ability to ask better questions when people are stuck. Ultimately, I have found that asking better and better questions is far more productive than giving bumper sticker solutions to complex problems.

I used this approach on myself with remarkable results. When couples came in with particularly complex problems, I stopped asking myself how to help them solve the problems. Instead, I began looking at how I could help them stop "triggering" each other.