Tag: respect

It’s nearly peak wedding season, which also means peak honeymoon season—and anniversary season. When it comes to keeping the magic alive for a lifetime, here’s what I know now: Forget about pre-marital counseling, or talking exhaustively about how to parent, where to live and how much to save for retirement. Turns out that song about how the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return was right--sustained romance is a matter of learning a few simple skills.

What’s trending in our culture regarding relationships? Unfortunately, we see from time to time a negative, declining trend in responsible and honorable behavior. Dishonorable behaviors are a problem, especially where there is power or money at stake. So, having a dishonorable and dishonest foundation in a relationship is a recipe for disaster, especially when challenging times come. If you’re as concerned about it as I am, what can we do?

Self-Evaluate

In preparing to write my new book, "Engage with Honor: Building a Culture of Courageous Accountability," I read several excellent books on the subject of accountability.

We each have our own reasons for participating in a sport or supporting our children in their endeavors. Many athletes are revered because we all know the commitment that is required to excel.

When my 17-year-old son decided he didn’t want to play travel hockey this year, we were surprised and disappointed—felt kind of let down actually. Why did I feel this way? Was I too attached to the outcome because of the money "invested" for the past eight years? He’s the one playing hockey, not me or my husband.

Doors slamming. Eyes rolling. Extended middle fingers. One-word discussions. Outrageous demands for more money, newer cars and less chores. In a survey, over 90 percent of parents who answered the question, "What are your top three parenting issues," all responded with either lack or respect or bad attitude.

But what’s strange is these same kids have friends whose parents they do respect! In 12 years of interviewing kids and parents, I know that most teens have what I call a Kool-Aid house, a home where kids of all stripes congregate, not because there are no rules, but indeed because there are strict rules about language, drugs, alcohol and behavior.

You’ve just walked in the door after a long day at work. The kitchen is a mess and the kids are arguing over who is responsible. As you set your briefcase on the counter, a flying apple misses your head—by inches. Then poof! The kids disappear—without so much as a hello (or goodbye!)—and you are left with a dirty, cluttered kitchen. Muttering under your breath, you are now cleaning up everyone’s mess feeling more like a doormat than a parent.

What is wrong with these children? Where do they get the idea they can throw things? Why don’t they have the decency to at least say hello when you walk in the door?