Tag: reward

When you reward bad behavior, you literally wire your child’s brain to repeat the bad behavior. No parent intends to do that, but it happens so easily. When you know how, you will reward only good behavior, and give your child a good start.

Imagine that your child grabs a cookie from someone. You tell them it’s not nice, but you let them keep the cookie. "Just this once."

A young brain learns from the cookie more than your words. Cookies trigger dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical. Dopamine paves a neural pathway that turns on more of the good feeling in similar future circumstances. That wires a brain to expect grabbing to get rewards. Each reward strengthens the pathway.

He wants to watch TV rather than spend time with you. She doesn’t have the same vitality and drive that first attracted you to her. He won’t help with the housework. She resists taking that fantastic vacation.

How many times have you wanted to light a fire under your spouse to get them to do the things they should do (or that you want them to do)? Do you sometimes feel like you are the one making the major effort in your marriage?

Some degree of stress in our lives is normal and helps to motivate us to achieve our goals. We may develop bad habits to deal with prolonged or excessive stress, such as consuming too much caffeine, smoking, becoming emotional overeaters, drinking too much alcohol, or becoming shopaholics. It takes more than willpower to change negative habits. Take the following steps to change them effectively so that you will not get discouraged.