Tag: sarcasm

You’re not alone if you’ve exclaimed, "Hey! That’s not funny!" after bearing the brunt of a "joke" that doesn’t feel at all humorous to you. Words can injure relationships more than you might imagine. Many relationships are harmed by the long-lasting scars of verbal sparring. Often disguised as joking or bantering, derisive commentary poisons intimacy and connection. Although sarcasm and other caustic forms of communication have become acceptable in many social settings, toxic expressions are inherently disrespectful and harmful.

I hang out in schools every day. I hang out in public schools, private schools, child care centers and preschools every… single… day. One of my biggest concerns is the lack of genuine encounter between adults and children. I hear robotic language. I hear slow, labored speech as if to say you just don’t get it. I hear fake, soupy language. I hear humor, but it is sarcastic humor, which is hard for children to understand so it looks mean. Then sometimes I hear genuine, joyful language among adults because trust is at the forefront of the thought. They have put other’s thoughts and feeling before their own.

When you’re angry or feeling insecure, jealous or possessive in your relationship, you may find that you make sarcastic remarks that hurt or put down your spouse. Your spouse may look confused and hurt and may ask, "What’s that about? Why are you being so mean?" You typically answer, "I was only joking. You’re too sensitive. Can’t you take a joke?" But, if it’s just a joke, why is it at the expense of your spouse? And can you learn to stop being sarcastic in favor of more direct, supportive communications?

Sarcasm is a weapon used by those who want to even the score but are too afraid to communicate that they feel jealous, anger or inferior to their spouse. Sarcasm is a passive-aggressive shield we hide behind in order to say something hurtful, mean or angry without taking responsibility. Because you’ve cloaked the attack inside a joke, you think you’re not responsible for the hurt you’re causing.