Tag: sexual desire

If someone close to you asked you to describe your ideal sexual experience, what kind of encounter would you describe? How would it begin? What would be involved? Where would it take place? Most importantly, how would it feel?

For some, the answers to these questions may be easy to articulate. For others, not so much. Being able to voice our deepest personal needs and desires is not always an easy thing to do—especially when it comes to sex. Most will agree though, that identifying and expressing exactly what we want (and don’t want) in a sexual relationship with an intimate partner is crucial in establishing a healthy and fulfilling sex life—namely one characterized by consent and equal pleasure.

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.

My husband and I have been together for three years and lately he doesn’t want sex at all. Before we were having sex three to four times a week. I’ve tried making the moves but he just rolls over or ignores me.

Many times in life our behaviors say what our mouths cannot. By not speaking, plus cutting the emotional bond, and no physical touch your husband is practically "screaming" that something is wrong.

No doubt about it: Talking about sex—particularly bringing up ideas outside your comfort zone—can get a bit uncomfortable. In fact, too many people go a lifetime without broaching sexual subjects they really long to address with their partner. That’s too bad, because by not bringing your hidden desires into the light, you deprive yourself and your spouse of some pretty amazing experiences.

When we think about the state of our sex life, there is likely to be a range of responses. We may be over the moon with ecstatic satisfaction; politely tolerant and in the automatic pilot zone; apathetic, completely zoned out from today’s sexual hoopla; or perhaps we may be fairly unhappy and just longing for more.

In whichever state we may find ourselves, it is likely that at some point we have recognized that the distinct differences between how men and women approach sexual intimacy have impacted our relationship.

One of the fallacies of marriage, which many of us walk innocently into, is the idea of "sex on demand."

We somehow naively believe that great sex will be a natural, spontaneous outflow of our love for our spouse. Men tend to think that their marriage investment will yield endless nights of unbridled passion, while women hope that their sexual accessibility will keep their husbands permanently glued to their side.

Then the reality of marriage sets in and most of us realize that our imagined sexual utopia isn't as much within our reach as we thought.

A lack of sexual desire—the thoughts you have around sex—is the number one reason couples in North America stop having sex.

What that means for you is: if you have negative thoughts towards sex before, during and after the sexual encounter, it will profoundly dampen your desire to have sex.

To get back your sexual desire, you need to start having positive thoughts towards sex. Think about something that is an indulgence—a bath, a professional massage, reading a book uninterrupted for an hour. You look forward to these times because it’s all about you as it is a nurturing space.

Just because social attitudes toward sex at older ages are more positive than in the past doesn’t mean all older women have positive feelings about sex, according to a recent Australian study.

Researchers found that nearly 90 percent of women over 70 in the study had low sexual desire and a much smaller proportion were distressed about it. The combination of low desire and related distress is known as hypoactive sexual desire dysfunction (HSDD) and nearly 14 percent of women had it.