Tag: study

For more than a quarter century, I've been observing and interviewing the same 746 individuals, who began as 373 newly married couples, all who got married in 1986. Over the years, 46% have divorced, which is consistent with the national statistics.

My landmark study, which is funded by the National Institutes of Health, is the longest-running study of its kind. It has yielded fascinating information about what keeps couples together and happy, and what breaks them apart. Some of the most interesting findings from the study pertain to gender differences.

"When in doubt who will win, be neutral." ~Swiss Proverb

  One of my husband’s most reliable responses to my often high level of emotionality is, "Can you just be neutral?"

He is a psychiatrist, so he has a lot more practice at finding a neutral objective view.  Yet, even before we each chose our respective professions, he would often find his way back to center with more ease than I. Over the years, as I have learned to lean towards this middle space of witnessing reality without the storm of emotions that literally cloud my view, I have witnessed how my marriage has grown up to not only withstand conflicts, but has given each of us the room to really listen to opposing points of view.

Water which is too pure has no fish. ~Zen proverb

Reciting affirmations, listening to motivational coaches—who needs the stress of being happy all the time, blissfully in love, or overly optimistic in precarious situations? Apparently, many people believed in Tony Robbins’ "Unleash the Power Within" event and about two-dozen were severely burned when they walked on hot coals. For example, if you found and brought home an injured snake, nursed and fed it and then one day the snake bit you, would you feel betrayed or should you have realized that the snake was just being a snake and taken precautions?

According to new findings from the American Sociological Association, a long-term marriage curbs men’s drinking, but women actually imbibe more alcohol. Could this mean that marriage is more beneficial to men?

What the Research Says

Research from the University of Pennsylvania show that there has been a shift in happiness since the 1970s, when women claimed to be happier than men. One of the studies explains that since the 1960s, men have cut back on unpleasant activities and relax more.

Female stress hormones rise ominously when men don’t pitch-in around the house. Male stress hormones rise when they do! According to a study conducted between 2004 and 2006 at the Center for the Everyday Lives of Families at the University of California, Los Angeles, measured cortisol levels are the best lie detector tests concerning shared household tasks when both sexes work outside the house. Apparently, women live on Venus and men need to get off Uranus!

If you sometimes feel that you are married to a stranger, you may be right! In a recent study, "The Closeness-Communications Bias: Increased Egocentrism among Friends versus Strangers," couples who live together tend to overestimate their ability to communicate. When polled these couples made claims like: "We think alike," "I can read his mind" or "We understand each other."

You tend to draw on intimate knowledge of a spouse or even a friend to make sweeping assertions based on an illusion of understanding him or her. However, many conflicts happen when someone close to you fails as a mind reader.

Many women cry to release stress and sadness. Having a good cry—hence the term—actually serves the same purpose as its counterpart, laughter. Even though women around the globe have been suppressed and silenced (many still are) and are still finding their individual voices, there are a few points women need to know about crying:

* How tears are perceived at the workplace
* What tears do to men

A new study from the Weitzmann Institute of Science in Israel asserts that emotional tears in women emit a chemical, which reduces sexual arousal while lowering testosterone levels in men.