Tag: victim

Families living with the proverbial “black hole” child start coping in unhealthy ways. Everyone alters their normal behavior to avoid stress or anxiety, but these behavioral changes make things worse. It’s unintentional, but parents, siblings, friends, and extended family act out psychological roles, and the dynamics are harmful. This is the "dysfunctional family," and these are some common roles:

* Protector: the emotional caregiver who defends the child regardless.

Why does the underdog story work? Think about every great movie you love. It likely contained the most essential element of any great movie: character. In that character’s journey, you probably got a taste of their underdog story.

When I’m called in to help a lawyer discover the right story for his client, I’m waiting for it—because it’s always there. It’s something you learn to look for when you’re in the business of storytelling and human motivation.

Ever noticed how you talk to yourself when you've made a mistake or failed to do something the way you wanted to? The inner conversation often runs something like this:

"I can't believe I said that to my husband/wife. I am a complete moron. My spouse is going to be upset with me for days;"

or

"Fifteen pounds! I can't believe I gained 15 pounds! I promised my spouse I’d pay more attention to my health. I have no self-control, I'm a mess;"

We’ve all seen people who walk around with a chip on their shoulders. People who never get over a wrong or a hurt. You know exactly who I’m talking about.

As a divorce attorney, I came into contact with many people who built great big walls around themselves to avoid getting hurt again. In fact, I myself discovered the art of building a fortress around my own heart. It contained a tiny little door that only my children, dog, and cat could squeeze through. Heaven help the man who tried to love me and knock those bricks down!

When you first find out that your child has been involved in a cyberbullying incident as the perpetrator, your emotions can be overwhelming. You might feel shock, denial, embarrassment and anger towards your child, and though these feelings are normal, they need to be put to the side, as your first responsibility as a parent is helping your child learn from their mistake. You will be successful at doing just that by holding your child accountable for their actions and making sure they understand the consequences to those actions.

How do you see yourself? As a hero or a victim? In any given life circumstance, you can see yourself either way.

I recently moved into my new home. As is often the case with a "new" home, that is to say new to me, although built in the mid 1960s, it has what is euphemistically referred to as a few "issues." As in, I was scheduled to leave town for work first thing Friday morning, and Wednesday night, both toilets in my house ceased to function. This mattered greatly, as the puppy-sitter who was booked to take care of my beloved dogs in my absence could not be expected to stay over-night without a functioning toilet, and it being a holiday weekend, I would not be able to find a place to board them last-minute.

The same unanswered questions keep getting asked each time a celebrity or politician gets caught cheating: Why? Are they bored? Is the fear of getting caught exciting? Is monogamy just not their thing? Are they searching for an outlet for fetishes they’re afraid to ask their partners about? Do they feel neglected by their mate? Is sex addiction a real thing or just a scapegoat for wrongdoings? Are cheaters just plain selfish, unremorseful, and uncaring about the feelings of their spouse?