Tag: want

There is something about the word "needy," a desperate quality that we shy away from.

Unfortunately, that desperate quality also gets attached to the word "need," so when you have a need you’d like from your spouse like, "I need more loving," it’s tempting to think; "I’m being too clingy, I shouldn’t need so much from him/her, I should be happy with what I’ve got."

More often than not, when we find ourselves thinking "I need more affection;" "I need you to be more supportive;" "I need you to be more considerate," we discount that need and push it aside while we wonder why we feel so unfulfilled.

Have you ever been frustrated when your husband didn’t clean the kitchen the way you would have, or when your wife put your tools away in the wrong drawers so you couldn’t find them? Perhaps you even shake your head thinking that your spouse just doesn’t "get it" sometimes? This can be a natural conclusion since men and women generally think differently—a man might not see the socks on the floor on his way back to the garage to finish an important project just as a woman may not finish her project right away because she notices the socks on the floor and then the dishes in the sink.

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. ~ Dr. Seuss

Sexual desire issues are an integral part of long-term relationships. In the 26 years of my own marriage, I have visited all sides of the desire fence. Whether it was wanting intimacy more than my spouse, not feeling wanted enough by my him or not wanting him or intimacy at all, each machination was painful and created ripples of injury throughout our entire marriage. The potential for rejection got to be so painful that not asking at all became the discomfort zone we lived in. At the time, I didn’t understand all the meaning I attributed to our desire issues; I only knew the shame and dwindling self-worth that felt suffocating each time we broached the topic.