As we turn the page onto a New Year, the following are words I would like every preadolescent and adolescent girl to embrace (take notes parents). Words are powerful creatures that direct your thoughts and actions. So pay close attention kids, your life lesson is beginning.
1. Become unpopular. That’s right! Stop walking to the beat of everyone else’s drum that pressures you into believing that what is important is to fit in and be popular. That is a bunch of hooey! Here is a prescription for 2015: risk rejection, ruffle feathers, stop trying to please everyone, and refuse to take responsibility for other people’s feelings and reactions to you. You can only find true friends if you are being true to you; otherwise they are befriending your façade.
2. Know! Stop answering the question: “What do you think?” with “I don’t know” or “I don’t care.” From now on, pause before you respond to such inquiries, check-in with yourself, and decide to have an opinion. Letting your friends know what you want teaches them that your ideas are important, and even more importantly, that you are important. Care more about yourself and others will follow suit.
3. Be mindful! That means throw multitasking out the window and instead put your full attention on the person or event in front of you. Real closeness and connection happens when you give people your full consideration. And if you bring yourself fully into the present moment, I promise you that your worries and fears will go away. Fears reside in the land of the future, about things that might happen. Catch yourself when you ruminate, and bring yourself back to your truth in this moment, where it’s all good.
4. Intuition. Learn to become aware of and trust your gut. Be cognizant of your internal alarms when they go off, i.e. a knot in your stomach, sweaty palms, racing thoughts, heart pounding, or tightness in your throat. Let your gut guide your decision-making; and trust in your intuition no matter what because it knows what’s right for you, always!
5. Ruffle some feathers! That’s right; you heard me. Get rid of all of that “good girl” conditioning and start to make some noise, challenge stereotypes, displease others, and stand out. It’s okay to toot your horn and let others know how you feel and what you need. Stop waiting your turn and start putting yourself out there on the skinny limbs. Get out of your comfort zone, take some risks, embrace your strength and courage, and embark on some new adventures. Go against the grain and toward experiences that you are drawn to, especially the ones that are unpopular and unconventional. Go for it!
6. Soul-search. Rediscover the benefits of some old school concepts like reflection, contemplation, daydreaming, and good old fashion quiet time. Unplug regularly, slow yourself down, and learn how to go inward in order to get the answers to important questions you are facing. We all need time to gather ourselves, and especially during times of growth and transformation like adolescence. I promise you that your phone will turn back on and that your social world will not have stopped turning.
That’s a good start for now. Turn these words and concepts into actions. Embark on a journey of self-discovery. And live your life consciously and deliberately from this day forward.
Dr. Tim Jordan
Dr. Tim Jordan is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 – 20 years of age. He is the author is Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding Transformation of Adolescent Girls. He is also an international speaker, media expert and school consultant. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. For more information visit www.drtimjordan.com.
