We are all aware that holidays can create stress for individuals and families, but with a little thought, they can also renew genuine family togetherness. By their nature, holidays require careful planning and, in most cases, a wife, mother or grandmother who arranges the event. However, involving the entire family in the planning can make everyone feel better and more a part of the occasion.
It helps to begin with a family conference. Even if some family members live out of town they, too, can be involved in the process through calls, letters and e-mail. The important thing is that all feel included in arranging the festivities.
It also helps to ask family members what they specifically want to contribute to the gathering. Asking for opinions gives family members choices and chances to shine in their own special ways. If there are gifts to be jointly purchased, the planning process can also be a bonding experience, creating excitement and camaraderie in choosing just the right present together.
Traditions need to be looked at every once in awhile to decide what the family wants to keep, expand, change or eliminate. From personal experience, I have learned that my children often want to continue with some activities I would have thought they had outgrown. Santa still fills our stockings, even as adults, and we still take turns adding our own small gifts and sharing the happiness of watching each other empty our stocking on Christmas morning.
The younger children in the family will be more engaged in the event if an enthusiastic grown-up takes them shopping to buy those special gifts for parents or siblings. It’s entertaining to see their choices. If someone is skilled in sewing or crafts, it can be very gratifying for both the adult and children to make their gifts. It’s also rewarding to help the young ones wrap their gifts. This creates a warm feeling of love between generations, and the children get to express their individuality by adding their own special touch to each present.
Attending holiday programs or community parades are seasonal occasions families can enjoy together, creating a warm feeling of shared experience that draws us closer to each other. Relationships that are not as strong as they used to be can be healed or the tensions of family dynamics reduced by participating in traditional events together. Sharing the cooking can also bring family members closer. Portioning out the dishes for the celebration not only makes the work easier on everyone, but the asking and giving of help makes all involved feel more a part of the gathering.
For those of us who have lost loved ones or who are unable to share this family time, we may experience heartache and sadness in remembering past celebrations. On the other hand, these same memories can bring comfort, if we strive to envision the presence of those who are absent as a part of the event. Holidays can definitely bring families closer together when we are open to new opportunities for sharing our memories and expressing our love.
Dr. Lou Diekemper is a four-time author, writing on several diverse topics, including relationships and dealing with the holidays. In her newest book, “Let Us Share: A Conversation on Growing Older,” she discusses over 60 issues seniors face as they age, including everything from health challenges to the joys of grandparenting. To learn more about Dr. Diekemper or her book “Let Us Share,” visit www.aconversationongrowingolder.com.
Steve Cooper is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hitched. You can follow him on Twitter at @hitchedmedia.
