This piece started as a letter to my teenage daughter. Much to my dismay she got herself a boyfriend.
Although I would have preferred she wait until she was a bit older, love had something else in mind. So my husband and I decided to embrace it as an opportunity to teach her some things about life and relationships. Six months later we are still in it knee deep.
I decided before things progress too quickly I wanted to share with her some things I thought she ought to know about love. So I wrote down the 10 points written here and put them in a card.
Love and fear are not the same. In fact, fear cannot exist when love is present. Fear pushes you into wanting to control what is happening, while love releases these urges. You see, love happens when you feel a connection. Anytime you feel a connection whether it is with an animal, nature, a piece of writing, music or with another person, you are interacting with love. It is almost as if the love that exists in you and the love inside another are synchronizing. This is because love is made of energy. Therefore, love can never disappear, however our belief in it can. To help you maintain your connection here are 10 things you ought to know:
1. Conditions, stereotypes and expectations will hinder the love experience. Pay attention to when you want rescue, change or make others feel better. Know this is fear not love. Fear is what gets you to make quick decisions like send a text out of anger while love provides you with the space to process your feelings.
2. Relationships come and go but love is permanent.
3. Fear likes to make up lies, such as the prettier or more popular you are the more love you will have. Love operates off truth.
4. Love does not depend on anything. It exists no matter what your background, age or history is.
5. Fear is what gets you to second guess yourself, analyze or attempt to figure out someone else. Love brings you compassion, strength and understanding.
6. Fear is a planner and attempts to put things in a certain order. Love encourages you to trust the process.
7. Fear consumes your energy while love produces it.
8. You are better off investing in the love that exists in you than attempting to gain it from someone else.
9. Self-care such as breathing, getting outside, play, and nutrition water the roots of love.
10. Taking responsibility for other people’s pain interrupts the process of love revealing itself.
Sherianna Boyle
Sherianna Boyle is an adjunct Psychology Professor and author of five books the most recent being, "The Four Gifts of Anxiety" and "Choosing Love." Her work has been featured in Psychology Today and Psych Central. For more information on her private services, workshops and classes on increasing love go to www.sheriannaboyle.com.
