Dispute

You step into your marriage with the hope of foreverness, yet per American Psychological Associations report, 50% of marriages find themselves in a break of that fantasy. Divorce does not happen in one day. It brews slowly. Watch for the following signs that deteriorates your relationship every day toward divorce... and shift to healthier skills before it’s too late.

Have you ever been drawn into a fight with a loved one where by the time you got knee-deep into who’s "right" and who’s "wrong" over the most trivial thing it felt as if, somehow, your very life depended on the outcome of that fight?

We’ve all had moments like this, perhaps too many times; which is why it seems strange that we’ve yet to see the following: there’s no such thing as a "winning" side in any fight between two people who love one another, anymore than one seat proved itself better than another on the deck of the Titanic.

Husbands! Are you trying to think of a New Year’s resolution? Maybe you’ll vow to lose weight or learn to ski, or maybe you will decide to spend more time with your children or to cut down on swearing? Although we often think of these things leading up to the ball dropping, it’s during the next day that we begin to think of other things we should have resolved.

Remember that at midnight on December 31 whatever resolution you make won’t be the last chance. There’s no rule breaking if you make a January resolution.

As a peace-loving Libra, I’m always looking for ways to minimize conflict, ways for us to get along better, regardless of our differences. So I was quite taken with a post a friend forwarded to me: "Explain your anger, don’t express it, and you will immediately open the door to solutions instead of arguments," (author unknown). Sounds nifty, doesn’t it?

Defending or Explaining?

Conflict is a part of life, and in many marriages it can be part of a daily occurrence. In my decade and a half of working with couples and families, when arguments and conflicts happen between parents, it almost always impacts much more than the two parties involved. Kids can often be affected and the impact can last a lifetime. Regardless of the genesis of the belief that the child has caused their parents’ problems, the guilt can be overwhelming and can lead to depression, anxiety, drug/alcohol abuse, relationship issues, future divorce, self-harm and even suicide.