The Sexpert

People are busy. Somehow we mange to get through each day even though we're stretched for time, overworked and tired. It’s not surprising then that being tired is getting in the way of people having good sex on a regular basis—but not in the way you might think. A big couple conundrum and question to me is, "How can we want sex when we’re always so tired?"

My response follows something along the lines of, "Usually it’s not being tired that is preventing you from wanting sex."

Dr. Trina’s Point: A little more prep work would help
Brian, why don’t men get foreplay? Men think oral sex—if they even do that—is sufficient to get a woman relaxed and in the mood for the "main course." Puh-lease.

Let’s look at men’s pragmatic foreplay template: No talking or acknowledging sex for the eighteen waking hours. When it is time to go to bed (and she is tired with a thousand things on her brain), he gives her a come hither stare, starts pawing and kissing her like he is some kind of Casanova, attempts to gives her an orgasm, does his thing and then he is done.

I used to be a cynic of Valentine’s Day. A cash grab day of cheesy gifts and mediocre service by overburdened workers. I certainly don’t want to sound ungrateful to past loves that made a romantic day solely for my pleasure. But their sincere efforts always felt contrived, like they were forced into it by guilt.

Now married for several years I’ve had to reevaluate my crotchety old belief system. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of looking for reasons to be romantic with the person I’ll be spending many, many years with.

Dr. Trina Read: Men Need To Learn The Softer Side Of Communication
I could hear the weariness and frustration in his voice as he helplessly explained, "We’ve been married for ten years and she doesn’t want sex anymore. So I went to the book store, bought a book on female low sexual desire, threw it at her and said, ‘Do something about our sex life.’"

While he was telling me this, Brian, I was thinking, let’s see. You’ve been having sex for over ten years and for a lot of it you were not satisfied. Yet you’ve never discussed this unhappiness with your wife—the book throwing was your first attempt. You’re now perplexed as to why she is withholding sex even more after your little get-your-libido-back-on-track pep talk. Hmmm.

Excerpt taken from chapter 1, You Like Sex and Your Partner But...

I want to let you in on a little secret. If you don’t enjoy sex in your relationship right now, you’re perfectly normal. In fact, why would you find your sex life satisfying? In my opinion, whoever coined the term "happily ever after" should be drawn and quartered. It‘s absolute lunacy that one day you’ll meet your soulmate and then, shazam, the two of you will ride off into the sunset and be super sexual forever more. Yet, if this myth hadn’t been perpetuated and we had known the truth, we humans might have died out long ago.

At what point in a relationship does the guy stop caring about romance? Is it the moment where he will no longer kiss her with lipstick on? Or is it when his full frontal genital scratching is unabashedly on display?

Brian, guys don’t seem to get that as a relationship matures he needs to up the romance pleasure stakes. Sadly, men take ten big steps back.

Accounts from a woman I know found that when she first got together with her guy

Men say they want the truth… but do they really? Men have super-shaky egos when it comes to bedroom critiques. This is probably why too many women never take off their, "You’re-great-in-bed-honey-happy-face" mask.

The realist in me appreciates the fact that you men have been unfairly socialized to be the initiator and choreographer of sex, yet something has to give. Great sex hinges on being able to have an open and honest communication with your partner.