You and I are old enough to know what we want and what we do not want. By now we also know who we are and who we are not. We definitely have a handle on what makes us happy and what gives us a knot in the stomach. And, we can identify the people we enjoy spending time with as opposed to those who make us wish we were getting our annual pap smear instead of sitting down for a visit or a cup of coffee.
We know… but do we trust ourselves to make good decisions based on this knowledge?
I recently found myself deliberating about a professional opportunity. Weighing the pros and cons with the exactitude of a size 16 woman on Weight Watchers, hoping to get into a size 10 dress by next week.
At some point, we have to stop weighing and choose. For the woman on Weight Watchers, the choice is to go out and buy a size 16 dress that she feels fabulous in. For me, it was to realize that if the opportunity didn’t make me shout “yes!,” it was most likely an emphatic “no!”
If you are in your ’40s or have joined me in the fab ’50s, you probably know what you want. And yet, you may feel the need to deliberate. Why is this? Are we unsure of our own intuition? Do we feel that if we decide too quickly, we may be deemed impetuous or flighty? Are we afraid we may regret our decisions?
I hear you out there. You are telling me that we should take our time and weigh our options. I agree. But when does weighing our options become a stressful exercise filled with doubt and lack of clarity?
And what about those times when we think we are unsure because of a deep underlying fear of something new?
You know when you are avoiding something simply because it scares or challenges you. You can trust yourself during those times too. Somewhere between “let me think about that,” and “Yes!” or “No Way,” is the point of no return. It’s the place that we can trust ourselves to choose. And the wonderful thing about choices is that there is always another one around the bend.
Make a choice you didn’t like? No worries. You learned some lessons and you have lots of other opportunities to make many more choices. Some of us preserve our choices like precious jewels we found in grannies closet. Instead, let’s dust them off and utilize them, flaunt them and wear them at the breakfast table.
Here is my proposal: Notice how long it takes you to make a choice, and experiment with speeding up the process. Is it a “yes,” or “no way?” It’s your choice.
Tips for Making and Trusting Choices
1. Start with small things. When you are at a restaurant, look at the menu and choose the thing that looks delicious. A baked potato with a side of French fries? Girl after my own heart.
2. Restrict your time. When you are making a larger choice, give yourself a time limit.
3. Get information. Be proactive about identifying the information you need to make a choice. Pledge to make the decision once you have completed your due diligence, as opposed to continuing the process by adding more tasks to complete before deciding.
4. Play it out in your mind. When faced with a decision, close your eyes and imagine each scenario. What do you see? The answer might be obvious.
Remember that most decisions are not really final. Trust yourself to do your best and to have the ability to modify, change, grow and expand to fit what the future brings. That’s a serious, “yes!”
Jamee Tenzer, PCC, BCC
Jamee Tenzer, PCC, BCC has been coaching women worldwide for over a decade. She specializes in coaching 40/50-something moms, female executives and women in the entertainment industry. Jamee is a Mentor and Trainer for the International Coach Academy. For more information and resources visit www.jameetenzer.com.
