Are you stressed about the holiday season? Are you stressed out over how you and your spouse will coordinate the gift buying and meal preparations, dreading having to try to please everyone in your family and, frankly, wondering if it’s all worth it?
It doesn’t help when we see Christmas decorations appearing in some stores even before Halloween and are constantly subjected to massive advertising campaigns that encourage us to buy, buy and buy more. For those of you who may find yourself falling victim to all the holiday hype, I would like to suggest that, as a couple, you step back and reconsider what’s really important to you at this time of year.
Some of us may discover that preparing for an event with someone we love can give the holiday its special meaning. Others may experience a religious or spiritual awakening as an important gift of the season. Of course, traditions are important and, in the middle of all the turmoil, I think it helps to think back over the holidays you remember together, perhaps even jotting down memories and letting all of the senses help in the exercise.
Remember the mouthwatering smells that came from the kitchen and were so tempting. Remember the sounds of holiday music you enjoyed together. Remember the candles and decorations or services you attended. Remember the fragrance of real trees and greenery. Remember all of the seasonal greetings you received from longtime friends. Remember the unexpected gifts your special someone gave you. Remember your pleasure at finding just the right gift to share. Remember the excitement of the children opening gifts, the beauty of seasonal flowers and all of the lights.
After you’ve shared your memory notes, talk it over and compare them with your lifestyle of today. Perhaps you now live in smaller quarters or you may have a growing family whose activities keep you busy day and night, putting a time crunch on both you and your spouse for holiday preparations. Perhaps your professions require a lot of travel, creating complications for family togetherness.
Now ask yourselves: Is it really important to do things just like your parents and grandparents did them? For years my husband and I tried to maintain the same family traditions and finally learned that what we considered crucial holiday rituals didn’t always have the same importance to our children. The old phrase, “going with the flow,” seems to work better for us today. Old traditions that are still meaningful have been adapted to today’s lifestyle.
What’s really important is supporting each other and celebrating all the special people in your lives, remembering loved ones who are absent and those whom death has removed, and feeling blessed to be together for the holidays once again.
The greatest gift we can receive from any holiday is gratitude, not only for the season itself, but also for all those who bring joy to our lives. It’s important to decide what really matters to you as a couple, make it materialize in a manageable way and let the rest go.
Happy Holidays!
Dr. Lou Diekemper is a four-time author, writing on several diverse topics, including relationships and dealing with the holidays. In her newest book, “Let Us Share: A Conversation on Growing Older,” she discusses over 60 issues seniors face as they age, including everything from health challenges to the joys of grandparenting. To learn more about Dr. Diekemper or her book “Let Us Share,” visit www.aconversationongrowingolder.com.
Steve Cooper is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hitched. You can follow him on Twitter at @hitchedmedia.
