Tag: affection

You hear it again and again, "After I got married I stopped having time for myself." Cooperation is a healthy part in a relationship. The trick is to grow together, and as the old saying goes, to "row in the same direction."

Growing in a marriage as the years pass takes skill. Marriages that stagnate become ripe for problems. So how do you grow in your marriage? Just like the flowers and trees, all relationships need water and sunlight, a little tending to pull up the weeds and a little talk to help them grow along.

For more than a quarter century, I've been observing and interviewing the same 746 individuals, who began as 373 newly married couples, all who got married in 1986. Over the years, 46% have divorced, which is consistent with the national statistics.

My landmark study, which is funded by the National Institutes of Health, is the longest-running study of its kind. It has yielded fascinating information about what keeps couples together and happy, and what breaks them apart. Some of the most interesting findings from the study pertain to gender differences.

There are essential building blocks for a healthy relationship, and the foundation upon which you build your relationship begins with either Positive Sentiment Override or Negative Sentiment Override. Do these terms mean anything to you?

Considered experts in couples therapy, marriage and divorce, John Gottman and Julie Schwartz-Gottman have been studying relationships for over 25 years. The Gottmans have discovered that each relationship, broadly speaking, exists in a state of Positive Sentiment Override (PSO) or Negative Sentiment Override (NSO).