Tag: bad

Ever wonder why your teen takes a pass on your advice? Especially when you know for a fact that it's really good?

Here are three reasons why teenagers might look elsewhere for solutions or support, or nowhere at all. It can explain those times when they stick with a bad decision even though they know it's bad, or insist on being right even when it flies in the face of all reason. Are they being difficult or defiant? Probably not. Often they're just trying to save face after having painted themselves in a corner, or trying to avoid the feeling that they are losing or giving in. I think if we as parents, teachers, and counselors made it easier for children and teenagers to change their minds or reverse course we'd see a lot more flexibility and better decision-making in the kids we love and care about.

The argument has reached its boiling point. It’s degenerated into an outright fight, and here you both are launching, "this is just like that time you" grenades at each other—the original reason for the argument is hardly relevant at this point. It’s "gotcha" time, and knowing each other as well as you do, you’re hitting those "gotcha" buttons with unerring, hurtful precision.

No surprise that nothing gets resolved. Bad feelings abound. Another layer of resentment is built up between the two of you. Your closeness erodes.

It's time to rethink our perception of ourselves. Many of us have trouble listing our signature strengths, but can easily itemize the flaws. Along the way we force ourselves to fit the mold and become an artificial version of ourselves. Even worse, the self-criticism accompanying these imperfections causes an uneasiness leading to irritability or self-suppression. Consequently, we overdo and deplete ourselves with busyness to atone or even take medication.

"Worry is bad stuff. It will eat your mind."

This powerful bit of wisdom came from my friend Steve during his battle with ALS. His words still linger in my mind.

I tend to worry. I wonder about this or that. I imagine various outcomes to multiple scenarios. I carry emotional burdens I’m not even aware of.

When worry comes, fear surfaces. Fear fuels worry. Worry stirs fear. It’s a debilitating cycle.

It’s bad out there, no question. The headlines scream at us, "The worst failure… Not since the Depression… Never before in our history..." Of course, you’re feeling upset. These are horrible things to hear.

So how can we survive this economic crisis and catastrophic predictions of the future? Turn inward. In tough times, look back, look around and look inside. As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a former journalist who spent more than two decades covering people and crises, I have some suggestions for getting through the current meltdown.

You have probably heard from relationship experts, me included, that it’s only a Hollywood fantasy to think your partner will "complete you." For most people, relationships are very important, but it’s a very wrong expectation to think that Prince (Princess) Charming will come into your life and make everything right.

Yet, there is more and more research about relationships that indicate it’s essential there be a good attachment between one another if your partnership is to be strong. Clearly, this can be very confusing—attachment is good but wanting to have your partner make you whole is bad? Yes!

Men say they want the truth… but do they really? Men have super-shaky egos when it comes to bedroom critiques. This is probably why too many women never take off their, "You’re-great-in-bed-honey-happy-face" mask.

The realist in me appreciates the fact that you men have been unfairly socialized to be the initiator and choreographer of sex, yet something has to give. Great sex hinges on being able to have an open and honest communication with your partner.