“Worry is bad stuff. It will eat your mind.”
This powerful bit of wisdom came from my friend Steve during his battle with ALS. His words still linger in my mind.
I tend to worry. I wonder about this or that. I imagine various outcomes to multiple scenarios. I carry emotional burdens I’m not even aware of.
When worry comes, fear surfaces. Fear fuels worry. Worry stirs fear. It’s a debilitating cycle.
This unruly combo can thrust us into fight-or-flight living and catapult us into fortress-mode. Our goal becomes protecting ourselves and the people and things we love. We might look fine on the outside, but inside we’re terrified and screaming for relief.
Anxiety, apathy, depression, stress-induced health issues, work challenges, and relational difficulties are some of the natural results and fear and worry over time. If left unchecked, fear-worry can steal your life.
Here are 5 tips for dealing with this challenging duo.
Accept that fear and worry will come knocking.
The goal is not to never worry or be afraid. This only leads to denial and shoves fear further inside. Worry and fear will be expressed, one way or another. If you refuse to acknowledge them, they’ll only scream louder and poke you harder.
Instead of attempting to run, acknowledge the truth. Worry and fear are always here, but you don’t have to let them hijack your heart. You can tackle them where they are, as they are.
Unmask the fear by identifying it.
Part of the battle is learning to recognize when we’re fearful and owning up to it. You can unmask fear and worry by identifying it. Ask yourself, “What loss am I anticipating or trying to prevent right now?” Put it into words. “I am worried about/fearful of _____________. ”
Identifying the fear is huge. Just speaking (or writing) the fear unplugs some of the dread. Now you know what you’re dealing with, and you can take the next step.
Breathe deeply and calm your mind.
Deep breathing may be one of life’s most important skills. No special ability or training required. Anyone can do it, anytime, anywhere.
Breathe in deeply through your nose, and then slowly out through your mouth. Do it again—several times.
This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and sends the message, “We’re okay here.” As you continue breathing, the calming effect spreads. Your mind begins to clear.
Release worry by taking action.
Once you’ve identified what’s troubling you and breathed deeply to calm your mind, the next step is to take action and release the invading fear.
Some write their worry or fear down—being as specific as possible. Then they focus on releasing the fear by tearing up the paper or throwing it away.
Others choose an object (one that fits in their hand) to represent their worry. They grip their fear as if they are hanging on to it by choice, and then open their hand and let it fall to the ground.
Others picture their worries and fears being exhaled as they breathe deeply.
These “releasing” activities are important. You’re telling yourself that fear does not have to control you or overly influence your life, health, work, and relationships. You’re sending yourself the message that you have options here. You might feel stuck, but there is always an action you can take.
Ask yourself, “What can I do next that would reassure my heart and help me move forward?”
Be patient with yourself in this process.
Managing fear is not a once-and-done deal. Worry can be extremely persistent. Accept that fear will come and prepare yourself to handle it when it does.
You might find yourself “releasing” worry several times a day. You may feel overwhelmed and like you’ve failed from time to time. You might find yourself thinking, “This doesn’t work! Fear has me—again!”
As you practice these five steps, however, you’ll find yourself building a skillset to deal more effectively with fear when it comes knocking.
Steve was right. Worry is bad stuff. Thankfully, fear is not an irresistible force. It doesn’t have to win. Worry is not your master. You are not your fear.
Stay the course. Be patient with yourself. Good things take time, and learning to handle fear and worry well is an excellent thing indeed.
NOTE: Traumatic experiences can spawn all kinds of fear and foreboding. At some point it is usually helpful to examine the roots that give life to persistent, debilitating worry. Seeking the assistance of a trusted mentor or mental health professional is wise. We all need good companions, especially in the more difficult parts of our journeys.
Gary Roe
Multiple award-winning author, speaker, and grief specialist Gary Roe is a compassionate and trusted voice in grief-recovery who has been bringing comfort, hope, encouragement, and healing to hurting, wounded hearts for more than 30 years. Click here to get his free eBook, “Grief: 9Things I Wish I Had Known.”
