Holidays can be stressful. If you’ve lost a loved one, they can seem impossible. While the world is celebrating, you’re hurting. Your heart is broken, but life appears to be blazing forward as if nothing happened. Perhaps you feel a little like Glenn and Connie.
“Christmas? Thanksgiving was an emotional nightmare. Can’t we just skip it this year?Where’s the Grinch when you need him?” Glenn asked.
“I’m planning on hiding. I know it won’t work, but I don’t know what else to do,” Connie added.
Glenn and Connie’s daughter Skylar grew up into a beautiful and rugged young lady. Her two brothers proudly took credit for the rugged part. Together they loved hunting, fishing, and the outdoors.
One summer vacation, the family camped at a gorgeous spot next to a river. Early one morning, during a tubing excursion, Skylar’s younger brother fell in and went under. Without hesitation, she went after him. As she tugged him to safety, Skylar was knocked unconscious. She slipped away quickly, as her brothers watched in horror.
Skylar was 15.
“She’s our hero. How do we do Christmas, or any holiday for that matter, without her?” Glenn asked.
Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year’s. These are the times when families gather to enjoy one another and celebrate. For those of us enduring loss, these days are often devoured by the absence of our loved ones. Reminders are everywhere. We bump into a memory with every step.
What do we do with this?
Some of us opt for hiding. We lock ourselves in, hunker down, and wait for the present storm to pass. The sheer dread of the assault of memories can be paralyzing.
Yet, the holiday comes.
Is it possible to meet this season and somehow use it to honor our loved one and express our grief in a healthy way?
Yes. Here are nine options for you:
1. Light a candle in remembrance of them.
2. Donate in their name to a cause they would love.
3. Serve your community or a charity in a way that reminds you of them.
4. Continue a holiday tradition they were fond of.
5. Prepare one of their favorite dishes and include it in your holiday meal.
6. Do something that reminds you of them—a movie, the theater, a game, etc.
7. At a holiday gathering, invite people to bring a Christmas card that reminds them of your friend or loved one. Have people share their card and some memories.
8. Enlarge a picture of them. Provide markers and have family members or friends write messages on the picture. Display it during the holiday.
9. Do something completely new, like take a trip somewhere you’ve never been, and honor them in some way the process.
The key is being proactive. Use the above list to spark your creativity. Do what fits you and your loved one. Make a plan. Keep it simple.
Don’t be concerned that activities like these will be too emotional and inject the holidays with sadness. After all, things are already emotional. When families get together, everyone is hyper-aware of who’s missing. Having a plan to honor your loved one gives everyone an opportunity to share and grieve together in a healthy way.
Yes, it will be emotional, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be good.
Don’t let the holidays crush you. With a little proactive decision-making you can use this time to express your grief in healthy ways, honor your loved one, and love those around you. And you will heal and grow in the process.
These holidays will be different, but they can still be good.
Gary Roe
Multiple award-winning author, speaker, and grief specialist Gary Roe is a compassionate and trusted voice in grief-recovery who has been bringing comfort, hope, encouragement, and healing to hurting, wounded hearts for more than 30 years. Click here to get his free eBook, “Grief: 9Things I Wish I Had Known.”
