Tag: damage

Let’s be real. Pornography is a problem. It pops up on your computer. It is available on your phone. If you watch TV, it’s almost impossible to escape the stream of images that are borderline pornographic. If your television subscription offers more than the basic channels, it’s likely that you, your spouse, and your children have easy access to pornography on your big screen. In truth, porn might keep your spouse in the bathroom a bit too long. It might interfere with your sex life. It might change the way you view your partner. It might make you think that it’s so much easier to have a relationship with a porn image instead of a real life partner.

Recently, my home was besieged by termites—those winged creatures I like to call the dark harbingers of spring. This subterranean home invasion prompted me to reflect on other stealthy home invasions that can go on for years and can suddenly overwhelm a couple if they’re not careful.

The major deal breakers for many marriages: infidelity, secret spending (which empties the savings account) and abuse (physical or emotional) are common knowledge.

When you have a cold, the guy who sits next to you at work says, "Hey, you sound better."

If you recently had a baby, your neighbor smiles and asks, "Are you getting any sleep, yet?"

If your mom's chemo has ended, your friends want to know, "What did the doctors say? How's she doing?"

But what if you've spent the last three or four months struggling with getting out of bed?

Have you ever noticed how Elmo always looks a little better in print: a little thinner, a little more buff and cut in the chest and abs? It’s the digital airbrush. Well, not really, but almost every picture you come across in print has been manipulated in some form, and the images your kids see can influence the way they see themselves and believe it or not, the issue of how ads are manipulated affects us all—especially our kids.

Body image issues—that are precursors to eating disorders—develop earlier than you think. In my dissertation 20 years ago, I looked at how kids from sixth grade through college were comparing various body images through media and found that in both boys and girls there were very defined ways of comparing their bodies to what they saw as acceptable in the media.

Conflict and disagreements between couples is a part of life. Two human beings with their own thoughts and free will are bound to get tangled up in conflict occasionally. It’s not so much about the fact that it happens, but how you and your spouse navigate through it.

Fighting in your marriage may be problematic if it rarely ends in finding peaceful resolutions or at least compromise. More damage can be done if one or both feel hurt or angry after the incident has passed, which can mean unfinished business between you. Resentment is toxic to marriages and poor conflict resolution skills can create a mountain of it.