Tag: ex-husband

I had been divorced for a couple years when my former husband called with a surprise. Thankfully, it wasn’t the type of surprise he delivered the night he sat me at the table and told me he had been unfaithful for more than a decade and was leaving me for someone he met in Las Vegas.

No, this surprise had to do with our 12-year-old son. He said he was taking him to China for a vacation. I got that feeling you get when you walk in on a conversation and everyone is laughing and looking at you like you know what they’re talking about.

None of us like to think about the harsh reality that someone who once loved us is now out to hurt and even punish us, but it’s true. Bitter, disgruntled and dismissed ex’s seek vengeance in any number of ways, including acts of violence, bullying, intimidation, harassment, passive aggressive behavior, silent indifference and using the children as pawns. Let’s look at four of the most common ways ex’s hurt and punish their former partners, why they do it and some positive alternatives to this kind of destructive behavior.

You’ve moved on. You’ve successfully separated from your ex-spouse, figured out the custody schedule, negotiated the divorce, and now find yourself with a whole new world of social possibilities. If you have done your homework, you have figured out what you did wrong in the last relationship and also figured out what kind of partner you want going forward. You are poised to make all sorts of changes to your family, including blending your children and your new spouse’s children into a fresh family unit. The good news is: Most of these changes can be very positive experiences for you and children.

Whether you have been married two months or 12 years, sooner or later an "ex" boy/girlfriend or spouse situation is bound to arise. The manner in which you handle yourself will play a vital part in the success and happiness that you currently enjoy with your spouse.

I’ve put together a quick Q & A on how to handle a number of situations that might arise or are sometimes unavoidable if the ex comes into play.

Let's face it. You're all individuals with your own histories, feelings and responses. That means that each new relationship into which you enter will layer on new histories and feelings and, probably new responses. This "baggage" is something you carry around forever. And, of course, when you marry you bring all your baggage from past relationships to the new relationship. By baggage, I also mean past hurts, happiness and attitudes.

For example, you have developed ways of dealing with situations from your family of origin. If you are the youngest child in a family, perhaps you expect more attention from others than would a middle child.