You’ve moved on. You’ve successfully separated from your ex-spouse, figured out the custody schedule, negotiated the divorce, and now find yourself with a whole new world of social possibilities. If you have done your homework, you have figured out what you did wrong in the last relationship and also figured out what kind of partner you want going forward. You are poised to make all sorts of changes to your family, including blending your children and your new spouse’s children into a fresh family unit. The good news is: Most of these changes can be very positive experiences for you and children.
Providing a Happy Parental Relationship as a Model for Your Children
If you and your new spouse are happy together, and the two of you also work well together, your children are going to notice. Even if they don’t accept your new spouse completely on an immediate basis, they will soon see that you are now part of an effective parenting team. They will no doubt compare your behavior to how you were in the last relationship. They will compare the way you work together, back each other up, and do so in complete unity as opposed to the fractured way you used to parent with your ex-spouse. They will compare how happy you are in your daily interactions with your new spouse as compared to the more tension-filled interactions with your ex-spouse.
The bottom-line is that you are providing your children with an amazing opportunity to model their own future relationships as your new one. Additionally, when you are happier, your children will be happier.
Finally, your new spouse likely has a more objective view of your own parenting style, and how you get along with your children. Listen to your new spouse. He/she will have important lessons to share with you.
Your Child Now Has More People Who Love Him or Her
Most often, children really need only one single person who loves and respects them to “survive” the divorce. But, we are not talking about “surviving”—we are talking about “thriving.” And thriving after divorce is directly tied to how many people a child has on deck to love them. Expanding your children’s list of loving, compassionate adults increases your child’s likelihood of connecting with one or more of them. Even if they only connect with one more adult, that’s one more than they previously had (in addition to you and his/her other parent). Most likely, the new and expanded family will make your kids feel welcome as they, too, become protective of your offspring.
Children from Blended Families Are Typically Better Problem-Solvers
Children who spend their time with two different families, by necessity, must learn how to interact and negotiate with two different sets of “parents” and live by two different sets of rules. Although this may be difficult at first, eventually, your children will learn how to adapt to new people and new circumstances more readily and effectively. They learn quickly how to plan their wardrobes, select their sporting equipment, and organize their own schedules. They also learn how to compromise with their new siblings and with your new mate.
Blended Families Are More Financially Secure Than Single Parents
Blending two families also means potentially blending two sources of income. The economics of scale when you move two single-parent families into a blended-family household help, too. Formerly, there may have been more limited funds, however, when income becomes blended, money often stretches further. Increased income results in a decreased amount of money-related stress for the parents (which trickles down to the children). Added income also leads to greater opportunities for the children themselves.
David J. Glass
David J. Glass, a shareholder at the Los Angeles law firm of Enenstein Ribakoff LaVina & Pham, is a Certified Family Law Specialist and has a PhD in Psychology. As such, he understands the many complexities of marriage, family, and divorce on many levels.
