Tag: financial

Financial pressures are without doubt one of the biggest causes of conflict in a marriage. Many couples cite money problems as the single biggest cause of arguments, conflict and unhappiness in their relationship. Learning to separate out your financial challenges from your relationship is one of the best things you can do for your marriage. Here are some ways to do that.

First, assume joint responsibility for your financial situation. Many times one person can feel resentful towards the other if they feel they are bearing most (if not all) of the financial burden. Perhaps one feels they are trying to control the finances while the other doesn't want to know about it or continues to spend freely.

And… they lived happily ever after. This is true in fairy tales, but in real life, many marriages end on a different note. The fact of the matter is many times, couples find financial disparity in their relationship, do not deal with it directly, and begin to see problems arise. Regardless of the issue, differences must be realized and discussed up front, before the financial bottom falls out.

Considering that financial problems are cited as a leading cause of divorce, it is vital to make sure you and your partner are on the same financial page. By speaking openly and honestly about finances, couples can manage their differences and find their way to compatibility.

For the most part, when we think of shame we think of awful situations like abuse or rape. But shame has a way of showing up in much more subtle ways, which unfortunately, can do considerable damage to your relationship if not promptly dealt with. Here are two examples of how shame can creep up on us, followed by a couple of tips to address your shame head-on.

Situation #1
The family finances are in dire straits. Your spouse lost their job over a year ago, the family savings are negative, and your job isn’t covering even the stripped-down suck-it-up family budget.

With its sparkly decorations, family traditions, and festive get-togethers, this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. But for many of us, the holidays are the most woeful time instead. During this period, breakups, overindulgence in alcohol, financial pressure, overall stress, and even mortality rates spike.

Sure, each holiday season comes with its bright spots and good memories, but if you still find yourself wishing you could just fast-forward through the next few months, you’re not alone. The truth is that the holidays are full of stressors and triggers that leave many of us feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or even unable to cope.

For couples today, a cheating spouse can mean more than the betrayal of a physical affair. While it may not be the first type of infidelity one thinks of, there is a new form of unfaithfulness that many couples are feeling the pain of: financial infidelity. From hidden debt to secret expenditures, lying about finances can cause a marriage to go into default.

Fortunately, there are certain indicators that can help a spouse detect the onset of financial infidelity and take action to fix any financial issues they may be facing. If a spouse’s behavior with money begins to shift and become out of character, it is vital to confront them and manage the problems before they snowball out of control.

Now more than ever, people are coming to my couple’s mediation office to help them save their financially wounded marriages. They aren’t asking me for a job, rather they want me to help them stop fighting about their lack of money, job loss and who is to blame for the absence of love and respect in their relationship. As a consequence of today’s recession, many cash-strapped couples are experiencing a marital meltdown. Even happy couples admit that the sudden economic downturn is testing their "I do" commitment.